CLUMPOFSOUL

paradigm shift

2007-05-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

IT'S HAPPENING

untitled_post

2007-05-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

rounding the bend to the train station. feet walking on wet sand. hand grasping my ipod, the other closed in my jacket pocket. look to my left and there's a window in which i can see my reflection. cars go rushing by on the right side of me in a blur.

i make a quick left and pop in to the convenience store to obtain a beverage. familiar face crouched on the floor, stocking mints and gum. "hello my friend." "how are you?" i wait for someone to exit the aisle, for there was little room. i surveyed my choices. not smartwater, i chose that last time. poland spring will do fine. i remember that my friend told me poland spring tasted like tap water to him, but i bring it to the counter anyway. "one fifty." "out of two. thanks, have a good day."

turn my head, someone reading a paper. turn again.

a man comes up to me as i walk through the door. he was unshaven and he looked distraught, possibly homeless. "excuse me, sir? do you have a quarter for a train ticket?" i believed the man needed the quarter. his jacket was very worn. he didn't look at my face for very long, but to the upper left. i wasn't sure if there was something wrong. and my morals kicked in, and not a second later i said: "yeah, sure." i reach into my pocket, and my fingers chase the largest coin they can find. it's a quarter, and i hand it to him. "got any more money, man." i thought about it, and i got to thinking he was taking me for a ride, or maybe he just needed money for his. "i need to buy my own ticket. sorry about that." "all right. thanks."

i walk into the ticket area and think about what just happened. does the man really need to get to point B, or is he just trying to finagle me into giving him more money? his instant reaction of wanting more led me to believe he knew what he was doing. maybe not looking directly at my eyes was a tactic to force me to sympathize. i make sure i have enough money for a ticket of my own.

i insert a dollar. it wasn't accepted. "jesus fucking christ." i had a water, my jacket that i had taken off, my ipod, my opened wallet, and a bill or two in my hands. i was also very hot. i put the water in my pocket, along with my ipod. i folded my jacket across my arm. i smoothed out the invalid dollar and it was fine. then another dollar. then a quarter.

that quarter resurrected my previous pity for the man who had asked for money. i looked back at the store and saw him. i figured i'd give him another dollar - i had enough. i put the dollar in my hand and my hand in my pocket. i see the man walk across the street, but i don't see him ask anybody else for money. i think about this. if he needed money for a train ticket, he would have asked other people. and seeing as how he was walking in the opposite direction of the train station, i decided not to follow him. i think about things for a second. i stop myself from getting too into this whole situation, as i usually do.

fastforward.

on the train now and thinking about a barn house with a telescope, surrounded by an open sky littered with stars. the train stopped at a station.

come in. come out.

i look to the left of me, out the window, as the train is still stationary. i see a small set of stairs, and under that: some cans of iced tea and beer, several scattered socks, old garments, a catchpenny hat, and a thin, weak blanket. someone probably called that home. and this sight triggered my memory of the man from before. maybe he lived a life such as this. try to rest, despite the elements, at night, and look for loose change during the day. maybe he needed the money for food, but said it was for a ticket to sound more believable. if he just said he wanted a bag of chips and told me his situation, i would have helped the guy out happily. but maybe hourly screeching train wake up calls alter one's perception over time.

we will shut you out, we'll put you in doubt if you think that yr special

2007-04-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

well right now i am brushing my teeth. it's about three quarters past noon. i went to bed last night at around 2ish while watching arrested development. oh and hey someone just called and i had to pick up with a toothbrush in my mouth. i can tell it'll be a good day.

the transition from doing nothing to going back to school wasn't seamless, but after the first couple of days, i found my equilibrium. i'll say the first couple of days were just emotionally straining, but i put [well someone else just called and it sounded like rattata's battle entrance screech] on a bandaid and i was allbetter. well almost. yeah sort of.

and now what's left to say besides: nothing is going on at the moment. i think i am getting together with my musical comrades today to get this band thing rolling again. an official name has not been proposed as of yet, but we're calling it [pseudo smile] at the moment, which is interesting. this name had to compete against "don't think", "the end is near", "stars over skies", "mary jane is hot". we voted on [pseudo smile].

and now i am listening to modest mouse.

yesterday afternoon my friends and i went biking around town. i got home from school at around four and at four twenty, i heard that we were all having une pique-nique at a beach. and biking. so i was all ON THE FENCE about it parceque je n'ai pas voulu faire du vélo ou aller à la plage. ALAS, john decided to go, and how can i not go if my brohammer is. so i got my belongings, stripped myself of catholic-school clothing, put on some shorts, got the shed key, got my bike out, got my spider helmet (of course!), attached a fire energy pokemon card to my bike's frame, and i was off. met up with john and we were off!. we went back to get jb's harmonica because he saw that i had mine, then we were off! we went separate ways to our destination and i am not sure why. my way kind of added like an extra twenty minutes though. we met at cc's house with people. then we went to IGA to bother mike who was diligently(?) working there. then we went to souvlaki. i got a chicken kabob. we met up with caroooooline and stacia there. then we went to ransom beach. jb and i played the blues on our harmonicas while nick offered trashcan drumming. henry was revving to go take a dip. cc and hayden and corinne were rolled up in a ball, very hedgehog like, on the sand. [pseudo smile] decided to hit the scene so we were off! got back to the house. got my bass and my amp. and i was off! to wait for john. then when he picked me up, we were off! to nick's house.

holy shit did it sound fan-fucking-tastic. we have like one and a half songs so far, but i'm feeling that this one song is a hit. it originated from the idea that our fictional protagonist would wake up one morning and get a sandwich and walk around town gloating. it changed direction slightly, but it's still poppin', slammin', kickin', and stompin' its way to fame and glory. and we're also quite possibly the best lyricists this world has to offer.

[life ended with a paycheck, we said we WORKED HARDER THAN THIS]

and nikki just called. toothbrush out of my mouth this time.

okay everyone. i have to create an agenda for today because so far, i has nothing. i'm thinking aqua teen hunger force later. or maybe guitar hero 2. or maybe more biking. or maybe more DROWNING IN MY MISERIES.

pizza is first on the list. gud bai.

[and i woooon't waste my time fitting in, 'cause i dooooooon't think contrast is a sin]

you look for serenity in your malaise

2007-04-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

holy shit i honestly thought it was three in the afternoon and it's already after six. oh well. i'm not complaining because i have the rest of the week off.

easter came and easter went. jesus died so i could eat homemade fudge. nice guy, he was. what have i done with my time? oh this and that. i'm actually trying to recall my epic adventures as i write this and sadly, nothing epic comes to mind.

trimesters were certainly more fun than drowning in pig's blood, but less amusing than a day at the beach or a walk in the park or a picnic at a meadow. in retrospect, those handful of nights when i just got the fuck home and hit the books were just god awful and i don't want to replay them. and as always, there's always something better to look forward to - comps at the end of the year. in theory, if you did well all year you are supposed to be all revved up and ready to go for comps, but i always cross out any positive outcomes on the list of possible results. comps are worth fifty per cent of your overall grade and are each three hours long each. i'm done talking about these now. bai.

and after trimesters, i think i had chicken fajitas. no. actually i went to a place call chipotle with my brother and ate burritos. i then came home and played guitar hero 2 for about eight hours, working towards the title of THE ULTIMATE GUITAR HERO. apres that, i can't remember exactly. i do know that the next day, i had mike, john, and henry over. we played guitar hero, played running bases, mike pulled down my pants so he could shine some rays of hope for acceptance in his dejected life, and more.

my hand smells deliciously fruity [ dangerously cheesy ] at the moment.

and then i think i slept over mike's house friday night? with john and nick, yeah. i did. it was a big hassle trying to get mike to allow us to come over because his house is "too small" for social gatherings. that was all besides the point though, we just needed somewhere to hang out. and that we did. the four of us played a lot of wario ware. that game has more sexual innuendos than the entire series of teletubbies. jesus christ why is my hand so smelling like aesthetic fruit? i had some bananananananas at his house and we had brownies made for us that were intended to be presented in those rectangular bits, but we wound up eating them in a cake-like-fashion. it was the first time i was knee-deep in brownie. no that's a lie. but it was the first time i had BBQ fritos. and then i drank all of the milk so mr. schramm couldn't have any milk for his coffee the next morning [all according to plan] right before we ate a lot of pizza. it was good friday that day, (yeah okay, so it was friday to saturday that we slept over) but i think jesus loves me enough as it is, so i did not observe the no-meat policy because i ate buffalo chicken and was extremely content with my decision of doing so and with my witty reasoning behind it. i forget what we did after that, but it was getting late and we wound up watching infomercials because mike didn't want to find us his remote. maybe the boy is masochistic or something, but his doing nothing to help us find the said remote forced john and nick to beat on him for about - oh - fifteen minutes. he did little to remedy the situation. i learned that mike has some pretty massive fucking bear claws and with one clean swipe, he can really show off how much he likes re-watching the streetfighter movies. the remote was found i think but since we were so dumbfounded by the infomercial, we continued to watch and watch and watch. (i think the only person i know, besides me, who likes infomercials and the art behind them is cc.) i remember right before i went to bed i had some glasses of orange juice [and maybe that's! why i smell so fruity] and i woke up the next morning with this WOAH NELLY taste in the back of my throat... like... like i swallowed a coprolite or three. and then i ran MACH FIVE to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and was greeted by mike's early bird dad. he caught the worm, and i caught a soar throat. fuck. we had small bagels and i sang along to jack johnson for a little bit with mike and his cool guy phone. then we played excite truck which turned out to be pretty fucking aces. i went home after that. i declined a movie with some people because i was feeling strangely and terribly at the same time. i watched the thing instead and fell asleep on the couch. oh yeah, i brought my sleeping bag up and i looked like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon. i finished my cat nap because i was done acting like a cat and the smells coming from the kitchen awoke my nose. i ate wagon wheels and meatballs. it was a gud meal. i forget what i did after that, but it didn't top wagon wheels, i'll tell you that fucking much.

and then easter was yesterday. old people came over. i started playing god of war. we had some pretty great potatoes for dinner. um. hrm. yeah. my mom made fudge. i played phantasy star universe with ryan and thescot and oh my god shigga spud...

oh yeah after the thing the day before easter, i watched the departed with my family. what a good movie. i liked it.

and here i am, the day after easter. i slept until two. i woke up and checked to see if anyone texted me. negative. i stumbled out of bed. turned on my computer, played my bass, ate some california rolls. went biking with john. then waited for people to get together some plans for the night because it's everyone's last not school night. people took too long because i don't like people, so i decided to chill with my brother for the night. and i'm good with that.

i also watched the descent which is a movie about these women who go spelunking into a cave and monsters happen. oh shit.

so it's late. it felt earlier. i hope it rains tonight. [it always does…]

godspeed, friends.

if we can call them friends, then we can call them on their telephones and they won't pretend that they're too busy or that they're not alone

2007-04-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

oy. tomorrow is my last day of trimesters. friday was religion and social studies and today was french and english. so far, everything has been very doable. here's hoping tomorrow doesn't break this pleasant continuum.

i recall posting the day before my last trimester before christmas. i remember looking forward to a great vacation. tomorrow is going to feel so good. tomorrow is going to feel so good.

tomorrow is going to feel so good...

it's a good thing i'm not a black stripper

2007-03-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

evening everyone. it's ten thirtyish in the bender household.

my brother got home from school the other day. he drove home in the snowstorm and encountered several near-death experiences. the roads were icy.

i guess having my brother back home is a mixed blessing. he's awesome and every day is more exciting (or happening?) when there's another person in the house. he brought back many games and movies that i have been waiting to check out, so the next six months will be media-friendly for me. but then again i like having the house to myself…

crackdown. a drug? no. is addictive as a drug? yes. a game. think grand theft auto and the hulk combined. you are an elite [beat] agent who works for 'the agency'. your soul mission is to clean the street by pulverizing terrorists with cars and hefty scissor kicks, jumping from roof top to roof top in search for king pin bad guys, and more! it's cel-shaded so it looks like a comic book. the art style is fantastic.

the locust valley show was going on this weekend. the friday production was canceled due to the before mentioned snow storm, leaving saturday and sunday the only two available times. i was there during tech week and it was all right? granted, i'm not usually one for most musicals because the whole idea of people conversing through song and dance kind of bothers me for some reason. dramas i like, because they can portray actual scenarios that can happen in life. i don't perform serenades or lamentations when i am in love or want to cry. so yeah, i missed the musical this time around. but i'm not entirely sure i was missed because the place was crowded anyway. since my brother was home, we had a st. patrick's day dinner on saturday. i didn't go today because i woke up at two thirty and it started at three.

speaking of sleeping until two thirty! i was up late last night finishing the matrix trilogy. i remember watching the matrix long ago when i was a wee one. i enjoyed the movie because my brother and father enjoyed the movie, and i was blind to the depth of the film. guns, shooting, karate! yay hooray! but there's so much going on beyond that. the matrix is essentially a simulated reality in which the human race "lives." in the real world, robots harvest our bio-electrical energy and plug our physical bodies into a server, the matrix. so, as the robots extract energy from the bodies, every person is entertained, or pacified, with this simulated world. (kind of like a massively multiplayer online game) it's something to think about. for me, it's certainly mind boggling. some of the scenes in the movies really made me think and i found that i would pause the movie sometimes just to think about what was going on. it's like a puzzle - you had to piece everything together. okay, so in one scene, neo is trapped in a train station that links the real world to the matrix. so he is nowhere. if he tries to run down the tracks on the left side, he appears on the right side. he can go nowhere, but then again he is nowhere. so i thought about my room. and i thought about never being able to leave. this made me think about the idea of nothing and nowhere. because if you are talking about substance, there is always something there. there can be no apples in the basket, but the basket has something.

"there are no apples in the basket" is different than "the basket has no apples" is different than "the basket has nothing" is different than "there is nothing in the basket"

the basket cannot have nothing, and there can't be nothing in the basket. so if you are nowhere, you are somewhere. because you are aware of the whereabouts, nowhere becomes somewhere and you know where nowhere is. if someone asks "what's there?", you cannot answer with nothing. "there is matter there. there is oxygen. it is some place and it is somewhere so it has to have something because it is a place." unless you mean to say "what is there that is interesting?" at that point, opinions come into play. and then that all becomes a play on words. i could just be making something out of nothing, but there can't be nothing, so it looks like i'm just finding something.

but suppose you were nowhere. and you couldn't escape. or suppose there was a place that had nothing. a small room with no doors. just a cube that you are in. you wake up in a room. the last thing you remember was going to bed. you wake up in a room with nothing.

and that's enough being deep for one post...

well, i have this week to get through. then another week with a trimester that friday and the other two on monday and tuesday of the next week. the break is coming up and that's awesome because i like breaks. i was supposed to go to florida with cc and corinne, but their departure overlaps with my examinations. next time, hopefully.

i was supposed to watch battlestar gallactica tonight, but i am tired and want to sleep.

gud bai

i've got a mind that can steer me to your house and a heart that can bring you red flowers

2007-03-05T16:47:00.000-08:00

satan is my motor, hear my motor purr.

i'm in a very introspective mood at the moment. things are not bad and things are not so great but i know that i am where i want to be right now.

fuck if you know me 'cause i wouldn't want to if i was you. i'm not fun when i am in a bad mood and i am usually in a pissy mood for one reason or another. not because i am lonely (i grew out of that not so long ago) but because i don't know. nothing pleases me anymore save seeing the people i love unconditionally and the people who are like family to me and the people who don't hurt me and the people who wouldn't dream of hurting me and the people who i don't feel awkward around. i think i've been dying to find a place where i am liked or respected for what i can contribute to the group. i want to have some credit, or merit. oh right i've been lying to a lot of people and it bothers me. you don't always know what you have until it's taken away from you, but there are times when you know you don't want whatever you think you have. and if you didn't have it to begin with, it's no skin off my back.

but by feeling sorry for yourself, you are not proving to anyone that you can feel at all. like i said before, i don't know where i stand mentally. i'm a strange one and it seems that each and every person i know gets to know a different side of me. not even the people i live with know who i am anymore. if there's anyone i know that could pick me out of a crowd in the cold, pouring rain, it would be me. because sometimes i feel like biting my nails and sitting pretzel style on the long train ride home.

but this post isn't a lamentation about having a lonely heart. i'm not lonely. there is a screaming gap in there somewhere, but i can deal with that for now. what i yearn for is newness. a new friend that i can just sit around with and listen to music with. the simple things i miss. what's a big house when you have no one to fill it with.

i tuned my basses up a little differently the other day. my four string went from standard GDAE to Gflat Dflat Aflat Eflat. my five string stayed the same. i tuned my six string to the notes of a guitar. i liked that change. i want new furniture and i want to be able to sit on my chair with my feet up and i want to be able to read alice in wonderland. relaxed and reclining. usually when i have free time, i think i have to go out immediately and see someone. but honestly, if there is one thing i have learned it's that it is easier to spend your time by yourself. at least for me, i want to find out who i am before i go telling people about myself. it would be unfair if i stopped talking to certain people i know and i fear it's inevitable. but i didn't say i would be so against it.

some days i think about someone taking me by the hand and showing me their life and what they have done. and then i can think about the people i know and compare.

i've learned a broken heart can heal. i've learned nothing can ever go back to normal. i've learned that even my good friends have shit to trek through. i've learned i don't even know who my good friends are anymore. i've also learned that there is no one out there like myself. that's good. i may be being naive in saying i am not being naive. but i know that when i go leafing through old posts, i'll come across this one and remember how i felt. and maybe i'll feel it again.

because even if yr out of my head, yr in my lyrics instead.

nothing is good and nothing is bad and i'm just okay with it.

so you say your life's a bore and i can't quite disagree if you judge your life by the pieces of shit that inhabit your tv

2007-02-14T17:04:00.000-08:00

He swam steadily for most of the day. Suddenly he found himself approaching an enormous floating cavern. Could it be an island? Pinocchio looked closer and he saw two huge rows of sharp, yellow teeth and he realized his mistake. So he would sulk and drink and mope and cross his arms and hope to die. And then a fairy came one night to bring this sorry boy to life. She pulled some strings and spun him about. That boy sprang up and began to shout: "My arms, my legs, my heart, my face they're alive!" And she would cry: "Liar, liar! What have I done? You're no lover, and I'm no fighter."

(The story goes on)

So he would buy her things and kiss her hair to show he was for real. And she would take those gifts and kisses though just stringing him along. She knew about those wooden boys - it's an empty love to fill the void. "Pinocchio! Oh boy, how your nose has grown!" So he would cry: "Liar, liar! I'll prove it to you!" But then it grew. He had grown tired of her. So it was true. He left her apartment and he walked all night long 'til he was stopped by the shore of the ocean. But still he walked on, amongst the whales and the waves, and screamed: "Liar, liar!" And his wooden body floated away.

He just drifted away.
And now I wonder how I was made... my arms, my legs, my heart, my face. My name is Driftwood.

from selectbutton (boojiboy7)

2007-02-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

"Mega Man 2.

I bought this at the same time as Ducktales, a game based on a Disney afternoon cartoon that centered around a character from the periphery of the Disney canon taking care of his three nephews who were only invented to give Donald Duck something minorly logical to fume about. That Ducktales as a game takes liberties with this tale is only to be expected then, if not entirely rewarded.

Both of these games came in the Capcom box. It doesn't seem like too many companies are making "the box" for themselves anymore, certainly not like Capcom and Konami were back in the day. You knew a game from those companies (and in the Konami case, by extension, Ultra) right away. Even a kid like me, barely in the double digits of age numbering, could appreciate branding like that.

Thankfully, the Mega Man 2 Capcom box did not feature anywhere near the level of embarrassing art as the first game. Mega Man was still clearly a man, but at least now he wasn't drawn in the notebook of the kid who sits in the back of the class and gets his spelling worksheet done a lot faster than you. OK, so that kid might just have been me, but I know I can't draw. Never stopped me, but whatever. On the cover of the 2 box, Mega Man finally gets to wear all blue, and he is in some sort of futuristic lava infested construction site, trying to shoot Quick Man in the face and missing, much to the delight of Crash Man. Not that I knew at the time who any of these people were, but I did love shooting things.

Relevant to note is that on the cover, Mega Man is very obviously proportioned like a grown adult, or at least a teenager. In the game, in a discrepancy that never even registered on me until a friend pointed it out 15 years later, he is just some kid. Probably a fat kid. Probably in pajamas and a football helmet. This might make the game alternately funny, or tragic, depending on if you think he is playing in his imagination, or somehow a demented boy running around killing things under the illusion that he is a robot built to save humanity.

Irrelevant to note is that his name is two words.

The Europeans got screwed on their boxes. The Mega Man on their boxes looks like he jumped out of a horrible sci-fi silent movie and it attempting to become Patrick Stewart, all in a bright silver suit that is clearly not in the game. It does have the dragon on it, though, which earns it some bonus points.

It plays like a Mega Man game. You don't have the slide yet, since it doesn't get added until 3, but you do get the 8 bosses (up from the six in part 1, and soon to be the standard number). You get to switch all the weapons, beat the bosses, get some extra random items from Dr. Light (no Rush yet either. Classic rockers of Canada mourn the absence). You go to Wiley's castle. You fight a dragon. You fight the bosses again by teleporting to them in unmarked teleporters. You have to beat Wily's castle in one sitting, though the rest of the game has thankfully given you a password feature that would last all the way through the lone Super Nintendo iteration of the series proper, despite widespread battery back-ups in many other games.

Like every game in the series, there is an order to the bosses, and once you learn that, the game gets a lot easier. I never bothered to learn it. I had priorities, and still do, and they centered on one man, one myth, one cosmic legend: Metal Man. He is the main character of this game, despite what the cover may say. In a move that would only later be echoed by none other than Hideo Kojima himself, Metal Man is the main character of the game specifically by not being the main character of the game. He is always the first person I have to fight in the game, both by virtue of being the first robotic boss I managed to beat, and by having the most useful weapon ever put in a Mega Man game.

His level is all conveyor belts and gears, a brownish factory where clowns ride gears and slinkies attack. Spikes drop and drills fly through both floor and ceiling all in a fairly simple attempt to protect their master. The music, in a game is noted for its soundtrack, is not even particularly good in this stage, but it works. The drive to get to the end and meet the master is soon fulfilled, and he appears with little fanfare, and you know...he sucks.

Yes, he sucks.

He is easily dodgable, easily beatable with just Mega Man's little non-chargeable pea shooter. He looks cool enough, with his brownish red and yellow costume adorned with a single tiny saw blade on his head. Actually, it just looks like a disc, but given that he chucks bigger saw blades at you, I always just extrapolated that the disc was just another blade. It might not be. Well, in later Capcom artwork of the guy, it totally is, but that might be revisionism for the sake of reaching consensus. Maybe it showed it in the book. Maybe there wasn't a book. I bought the game brand new, but I don't think I ever even noticed a book.

I beat him before I beat Ducktales. Ducktales actually happened all in one afternoon, after owning the game for a few months, when I mastered the Scrooge McDuck Cane Pogo-Physics-Fuck-Over. I just beat the whole game in an afternoon after finally beating the Abominable Snow Ass. It wasn't too hard then, but it had been before then. Yet still, even with Mega Man 2 being the harder game, I beat Metal Man first.

He gives you his saw blades. I had never played Mega Man 1, so getting a boss's weapon was totally sweet. I used the crap out of that thing. Every enemy in the game would eventual taste cold steel saw. Every boss would get that weapon tried first on him, and only a few of them could even be hit by it, let alone actually be weak to it. Two of them were even weak to it, though only one of those two made sense. Wood gets cut by saws, sure, no problem. Bubbles? I mean, yeah, a saw would cut them, no problem, but so would a pencil.

Metal Man is with you, always. He is your Iroquois Plisken, without the cutscenes. You know he was stronger than you, he was obviously better armed, and you can't quite get over the feeling that he is somehow watching you from beyond the robotic grave, knowing that each time you use his weapon, his ghost gets to haunt your body. His weapon replaces your own, and with the more time you spend wearing his colors, the more time you are not the Mega Man sent here by Dr. Light, but something new...different.

Each stage of the game is certainly unique, and even offers some sort of specific challenge to the player that may or may not be related to the boss character. Bubble Man, for example, features some fairly interesting jumping underwater challenges, which taught me the ridiculous degree to which one could control a jump by varying the amount of time the jump button is actually held down. Wood Man has some odd Cat Robots that show up and are little mini boss battles of their own.

Quick Man and Heat Man are the source of my childhood shame. I never could beat the game, and they were the reason. I never made it to Quick Man. Even with the Flash Man Time Stopper, it didn't happen. I felt pathetic for it. I looked at every magazine I could find, every hint book published that had any little tidbit of information about Mega Man 2, and nothing. I couldn't do it. Heat Man's stage was hard, not too hard, but the disappearing platforms would cause a few problems. Knowing that I couldn't beat Quick Man, however, I just couldn't put the effort into Heat. I gave in.

I would eventually find a code and just skip to Wily's castle. I made it to the dragon. He killed me. I lost all heart and didn't pick up the game again for 15 years or so. During all of those fifteen years, I would never let Metal Man leave me. He was part of me, and in every opportunity I could, I brought him into the world. The first custom texture in my Animal Crossing town would be of him. My F-Zero GX custom decals were all initially related to him. Friends would all know about this minor obsession with the guy. But yet, I did not know his secret.

It wasn't until the arguably flawed (the button switch didn't bother me as much as it did others, since I hadn't played the game for years) Gamecube edition of the Mega Man Anniversary Collection came out that I touched the game again. I was eager. I bought the game fresh out of a UPS box at a local EBgamestopfuck and popped it into my Cube. The Cube, oddly enough, was hooked up to the exact same television that Mega Man 2 had dominated all those years past.

In 1985, my parents needed a new television. It was going to be the first one they actually bought for themselves, having inherited a line of TVs from their families for almost ten years after their marriage. They bought a 20 inch Technika. It had AV inputs, something I would not appreciate until much later in my life. It had a tiny remote control. It was beautiful.

When I was in the third grade, my parents bought a house. When we moved to the new house, somehow it was decided that I would get the Technika, and my parents would buy a new TV, which also ended up being a Technika, but was now like 25 inches or something. When, just a few months after the move, I got my NES, this was the TV in my room that the box got hooked up to. This is the TV that would not die.

It came with me to college in the fall of 1999, now with a PlayStation hooked up to it. It only had one audio input, so I could only get mono sound, despite the obvious presence of two speakers with separate audio coming out of each. The sound just comes out of the right side speaker when I play games on it. I played a lot of Gran Turismo on that set up, with it on top of the fridge in my tiny dorm room at the University of Dayton. When I transferred to OSU, it came with me, and I had my ass handed to me in Street Fighter Alpha 3 on it by a roommate named Bill who would get a concussion in a judo tournament, attempt suicide using my kitchen knife (which the cops would offer to give back to me) and get drunk for the first time and beat up by one of his closest friends who was not the guy who looked like Beavis, all over the space of the only 6 months in which I knew the guy.

Around this time, my friends and I began calling the TV “1984”, in a mistaken memory of the year it was purchased. This wouldn't be rectified until I moved my mom out of the house I grew up in in 2004, when I found the actual receipt for the purchase of the TV and learned the 1985 date. This was the TV I played Ikaruga for the DC on, in full tate, only to watch the reds and greens get reversed (I would later figure out that if I just let the TV discharge for about an hour, I could tate it with no problems at all). Pat (Predator Goose of our own lovely community) and I would fully level up Radiant Silvergun on it over the course of a week or two.

I would later get another television, but this is still the one I play games on. The image is slightly blurry, probably due to me turning down the sharpness on it when I would play NES games, because it made them look better to my young eyes. Despite what you see in the picture, it currently sits on an old red metal table (the corner of which just into the picture slightly) in my dining room, the table having been purchased at an auction of all the furniture from my favorite coffee place ever, Cleveland's Red Star Cafe. It has my PS2 and Gamecube hooked up to it right now, and you can only turn it on and adjust the volume with a remote, since the buttons on the front stopped working long ago.

So it was only fitting that this was the TV I renewed my love affair with Mega Man 2 on. It was harder than I remembered, or maybe I was just worse at playing it, but I could do most of the stuff I could do as a kid, and that included limitations. I couldn't beat fucking Quick Man's stage. A guy I worked with named Atari (not his real name, but a nickname he got in the navy, as I recall) told me he could beat that stage without Flash Man. I tried this. I spent an afternoon at the best job ever working on this. I call it the best job ever because my boss told me to bring in video games to play because there was nothing to do. And she let me work 6 hours a day and get paid for 8.

I did it. I fucked Quick Man so hard he would have to tell his friends about it, because it was scarring. I went on and beat Heat Man. I went on to Wily's Castle. I went on to the dragon.

The dragon is a great moment in this game. Up until then, with the exception of the mini-bosses that were never much of a challenge anyway, all the bosses have been about Mega Man size. Just other robots like him. The dragon is something different. He is almost the entire height of the screen, and he wants nothing more than to shove you off into the pit of oblivion in any way that he can. That he comes after the first forced scroll in the game only makes him more exemplary. I figured out pretty quick that the Quick Boomerang was just the thing for this guy, but then there is a problem. I run out of ammo. I run out of lives. The stage begins again.

Wily's Castle is always an interesting part of the Mega Man games. From 2 on, whenever you beat a robot master, you get the password. So after each stage, ostensibly, you can stop playing. Not so much in the Castle. Not at all, actually. It's one sitting or nothing at all. It's an act of dedication, as each piece of the Castle is harder than the last. One boss requires you to use the Crash Bomb PERFECTLY, or you have to start it all over again. You do all this, and you get to the teleporter room.

I had no clue what to do here. They aren't marked or anything. They just are there. I hopped in one, and dispatched of the boss that showed up. But then, there he was. Metal. He had come back. Like Snake rising from the grave to show up on Big Shell, Metal Man is there to remind how much everything I have done in this game has depended on him. It is like he knew exactly what I was doing for those 15 years, and he knew every place he had shown up in my mind. And he wanted to fight again.

I couldn't use the blaster on him. It just didn't feel right. I didn't want just a rematch of our earlier battle. I wanted to show him what I knew, that I had grown, that I was the better man/robot. But nothing was working. Other weapons damaged him, sure, but they didn't work any better than the peashooter. In a moment of desperation, I try the saw blades. They haven't failed me in the past, but surely the king of all Mega Man bosses would have steeled himself against the damage of his own flying steel.

It killed him.

In one hit. Though it would have taken two if he weren’t softened up a little first.

I put down the controller. His final lesson is taught. It was there all along, but he needed to die to teach it.

In a video game, in Mega Man and any other, the only person who loses is you. The only person who can defeat you is you. When some enemy or another player beats you, you want to blame them. They were better than you. Faster. Stronger. Cheaper. Whatever. But in the end, only you can defeat yourself. Metal Man somehow knew that for those 15 years, it wasn't Quick Man stopping me. It wasn't the lasers blasting across the stage. It was me not getting better, not stepping up to the 8-bit plate and swinging at that ball till it left the park. When Metal Man takes the saw blade to the face, he is making his lost life a pure demonstration that the only thing that could defeat him was himself, in the end.

Or maybe he just sucks.

I like to think not. I like to think that somewhere in the minds of INAFKING and his crew at Capcom, someone woke up one day with a deep revelation about games themselves, and wanted to put it in their game. This probably isn't true, as we certainly have never been given an indication as such. The Mega Man series goes on to this day, with little to no hint that they even saw this a moral for a game. I don't know that anybody really has.

I still feel like beating Metal Man there, with his own weapon, freed me from something. When I went on and beat Wiley, it was as my own person. My own robot, more accurately.

This isn't to diminish the final Wily fight. It is something special as well. Wily has a few forms, of progressive difficulty, and when you finally feel you have beaten him, a revelation! He is an alien! WHAT? The alien is weak to Bubble Man's thing, which only fits, as it is easily the hardest weapon to hit him with. I eventually killed the alien, only to find a semi-predictable Oz-ish Wiley standing by a projector. Sadly, this is the Wizard of Oz, not the traumatizing HBO drama as portrayed in the first season of Arrested Development. Wily submits, and it is all over (OR IS IT? Of course not. There are, after all, 8 Mega Man games in the series proper, so you make the call.).

The next part is one of my favorite video game end sequences ever. Mega Man walks towards the screen, and there is a background image of a village, and the seasons pass in the village. As each season passes, Mega Man is the color of the robot master that matches the colors of the season portrayed. Notably, Metal Man is absent. After orange leaves (Heat Man), white snow (Bubble Man), pink cherry blossoms (Quick Man), and blue rain (Air Man), the town finally is sunny and green, and Mega Man is back to his original blue. The final shot of the sequence has expanded the view of the town to the full screen, and sitting on a hill in the foreground is the helmet of Mega Man, but he himself is nowhere to be seen. It recalls the opening screen of the game, where Mega Man is standing atop a tall building, helmetless, before the battle. Mega Man is free of the city now, and free of the helmet donned for the sake of a battle he knows he will fight again. He is a Capcom character, after all.

The credits are simple. They name each boss, and the person on the staff who designed them. Each boss is given a little bit of a personality just by this little detail. We know the names of the people who made them, and maybe we know those people just a little as well. The first robot listed is "No. 9 Metal Man" by Masanori Satou.

I want to find Masanori Satou and let him know what his creation meant to me. I don't know that I ever will. "

after i read this article, i was very glad that someone out there finds art and emotion in video games just as i do.

...and in the morning, on the silver dawn of sunday...

2007-02-04T01:45:00.000-08:00

rise to the top, be a leader with a gun
be a leader of what - like a hundred and one?

i'm in a happy mood and i'm grateful for what i've got. and i'm so optimistic, that what i don't have i am happy about being able to achieve at one point. few times i feel this way.

i've got nothing to talk about at the moment.
vacancy.

i made a promise to myself tonight. i'm going to try everything i can and do everything i can to try to accomplish my dream. we shall see if sticking my mind to it is successful.

in this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades. one breath, one step could knock it all down. but you lead with your eyes and you give it away. decide, design to cut from the clouds. and the people you love get lost in the shuffle. when you leave, you leave nothing but broken hearts. you let it go and then you fold.

in between and out of scenes

2007-01-28T15:10:00.000-08:00

this is day three of another infatuation with park.

and not much is up with me. last week i was sick. i had a sinus infection and an ear infection. it was not pleasant. it all started when i had to swim in the FRIGID pool at my school for gym. yes. and then since we had friday off, and i was feeling a bit better, i slept over jb's house.

it was a pretty amazing evening because it was the first time i had been with all of my buddies together in a long time. it was that night that i started to listen to park again. park always used to depress me, but it actually comforts me at this point. we played gears of war, pikmin, and we also danced for about two hours to whatever music came on on jb's ipod.

the next day i had to BUCKLE DOWN and get to work; for i had a debate tournament that i was ill-equipped for on saturday. it was the last tourney for me so i just wanted to get it over with. we were debating whether or not corporations should abide by the hypothetical moral code that an individual does. all in all i wrote about 1800 words of this garbage. this was not one of the better debate topics. i personally enjoyed the one about domestic violence being right or wrong.

(side note: for anyone who is interested in how my debates work, keep reading. the type of debate is called lincoln douglas debate, LD. in LD, there are two people - one that represents the affirmative side [yes the corporations should be held to an individual's moral standards] and one the negative. the debate starts off by the affirmative reading a speech. then, the negative cross questions the affirmative about their speech. then the negative reads their speech and comments on any faults of the affirmative. the affirmative then cross questions the negative and after that, goes up refutes any claims the negative made about their own case, and then attacks the negative case. the negative then goes up again and finalizes why their case is stronger and defends/attacks cases. the affirmative gets the last stand by going up and pretty much announcing why the affirmative is right. now throughout this debate, each side has contentions which are pretty much examples of reasons of why the resolution should be a yes or a no. there is also a value and value criterion. essentially, your value criterion should be achieved through the examples of your contentions and your value is achieved by your value criterion. so each side is proving how their value is achieved and how their value is important for the resolution. yeah.)

(i burnt park's it won't snow where you're going just for the car ride to the school that was hosting the event.) when i got to the tourney i waited in the cafeteria for the rest of the team to show. they did in no time at all. then there was much waiting and talking about how i used a quote from spiderman in one of my speeches. shortly thereafter, round one of four commenced.

now i won't go into detail about each round, simply because none of them were blog-worthy. i will point out some interesting things that happened however. there was this one kid that i versed. he spoke normally, if not a little muddled and low, until after i spoke. i articulated and made eye contact. he saw that, and figured that the louder you talk the better you are. so it wound up that he was pretty much yelling at the judge. then there was another girl that stopped debating the topic in the middle of her refutations towards my case and talked about how my case wasn't structured the right way and that my case is invalid. i then went up the next time i spoke and pretty much said "yeah i don't think so, bitch." i told the judge that everything the opponent said was false and basically that siding with the opponent would prove that you have no idea how to judge lincoln douglas debate. in the middle of one of my cases, also, i forgot what side i was on. and this happens a lot to me. so i was on the affirmative and then i started talking from the negative side for like one minute. i still wound up winning the round so i don't really care. i went undefeated and ranked 2nd for most speaker points throughout the division. speaker points are pretty much how persuasive you are and how good you are at orating. i got a trophy!

i got home that day and then went to anthony viggiani's house with nick to jam. we got some jamming done, ate food, and concluded with watching little miss sunshine. this was an outstanding film, and in my opinion, captured the essence of a dysfunctional family. it was funny at times, but tragically sad if you thought about how it affected the family.

i woke up and went to church today. i went home. i worked out. i rawked out. i played starcraft with jb and henry. now i have to go eat like this instant. after that, homework and more starcraft with jb and henry. each activity will be complemented by park.

there’s a problem with the sky tonight
and we’ve been wondering where you are

and ProPosition starts with a caPital P

2007-01-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

i cannot find starcraft.

hi everybody. it's roughly three thirty in the afternoon on a sunday. sundays are weird because you never know what's going to haPPen. you have to get homework done, yet it's the last day of the weekend so you want to Party down with the allotted time you have left of the weekend.

the chaminade dance was friday night. i went with cc and corinne and it was a mixture of weak sauce and okay. i mean, i had a good time with cc and corinne and i was lucky enough to catch uP with some old friends at lv, but it's still school. nothing inside of me wants to go back to school on a friday night unless i receive a silver trident with which to attack my foes. and then saturday i was suPPosed to go to a nine days/alexisonfire concert with some buddies of mine. sadly, it was my grandfather's seventy ninth birthday. so the exPected argument between my mother and i occurred about where i was to sPend my night, and the unexPected win from the oPPosing team forced me to Partake in the elders' affairs. but you know, all in all, i had a really great time. sure! it was with old PeoPle. sure! i wanted to be with my slightly younger friends at a concert. but i danced some on the dance floor of the restaurant. i made what was a once boring evening Pretty radical. and it turns out that alexisonfire didn't even Play, which was a big reason why i was going. okay.

i just agreed with mike to time him while he's in the shower.

and me? i'm doing well. not that any of you actually read this blog or anything. in retrosPect, i had a Pretty hard time switching schools for some obvious and not so obvious reasons. but i've adjusted. and i do miss my friends. but i'm moving on to bigger things. a Part of me wanted to stay in locust valley, but that would have just amPlified some of the Problems i had at the time to some grotesque amounts. switching schools wasn't good or bad - it just was. it turned out for the different.

i was thinking of revamPing my entire room. my comPuter malPhunctioned just two or so weeks ago and was busted. i couldn't stand not having a comPuter (which sickens me in more than enough ways.) i am going to invest in a new comPuter that can handle world of warcraft. oh noes! mike says if i Play that game i will wind uP losing all of my friends. henry says it’s a fun game that i will like. matt says the game is filled with PrePubescent folk. thescot says DO IT. i say that if i Play that game i will make new friends and intentionally forget about the PeoPle i already know. who needs human interaction when you can Point and click on digital avatars? (for those who don’t know me – i’m kidding.) i'm also hoPing to get new furniture and a new iPod. for those of you who missed the Previous Post about mourning the loss of my d33Ply beloved iPod - it's destroyed. the screen does not function. i cannot use it. an oPerational screen would be quite nice.

i could Probably go on for a long time about my views of what world of warcraft(wow) is and can eventually be to me. i think what has been bothering me most is how i invest my time. growing uP on video games, i always used to enjoy becoming transfixed in the fictitious world of suPer mario or the starcraft universe. it's a hobby of mine, games. i stoPPed Playing, recently, for a long time when i had some things on my mind. and those things on my mind finally brought me to the Point of crying/fearing/lamenting about my life. but that's Partially over. i wanted to start wow so i could have another addiction and something to look forward to when i have an off day. since i would need a new comPuter for that, i Put that aim on the back burner and i Picked uP Pikmin 2 again. it's a wonderful game and Probably falls on the list of my favorite games of all time (resident evil 4, Pikmin 2, starcraft, ocarina of time, yoshi's island.) if you think i'm a g33k, yr right. but don't knock games until you've tried them.

and i still want to wind uP on a stage Playing bass for my band. i want to sPearhead a rock'n'roll revolution. one can only hoPe.

all right. here's comes the Part of the Post when it comes to a screeching halt. farewell my friends. things are rarely as bad as they seem.

i still cannot find starcraft.

i'm connecting to the internet with my mind

2007-01-14T22:03:00.000-08:00

you know. it's things like this that cheer me up just enough to get me through the day.

i'm not alone 'cause the tv's on

2007-01-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

bonjour.

i'm doing OKAY for now. how are you guys? it's a tuesday night at nine thirty seven and i am sharksurfing at the moment. if any of you want to join my brigade of neon night-riders, you are more than welcome to. requirements? rawk out.

you guys'll get a real post some time soon. i have some work to do. see you.

well. here goes nothing:

2006-12-27T22:36:00.000-08:00

i'm kind of tired. a little bit awake. sort of too comfortable. somewhat distressed.

it may take time. time to change.

peace motherfuckers.

merry christmas

2006-12-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

hope everyone has a great christmas. once the holiday craze is over, i'd actually like to start seeing people. enjoy!

subscribe; get yr issue

2006-12-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

this is the dream of win and regine.

it's good to be back. and by back, i mean not having to slave over textbooks and notebooks night after night. i'm finished with my tests.

i said i'd produce a monstrous post for this evening, but i dunno if i'm going to follow through with that. i'm sort of all drained out with little to no energy left in my e(nergy) - tanks. i'll get around to it soon. maybe even tonight.

talk to you later, folks.

it's good to be in love

2006-12-17T12:58:00.002-08:00

fuck.

i have so much studying and work to do. trimesters this week. tuesday, wednesday, thursday. friday is off. trimesters, for those who are in their respective mayas outside of "the know", are tests at the end of each trimester. "oh my gosh, patrick. what in sam hell are those?" my school works with trimesters divided into (tri) three sections of the year. unlike in locust valley, where there are quarters. yus. so for all of my classes i have a trimester on the material we have learned thus far. that's quite a bit.

but i feel like posting now because i have gone over my social studies and will go over my religion notes after this. i don't know if any of you are familiar with imogen heap, a musician/vocalist from the united kingdom. she was also in the band frou frou. i downloaded a lot of her albums last night. she has, probably, the most beautiful voice i have ever heard. very much like silk.

the year is changing. i can feel it in my blood and i can feel it in the wind that calms my skin as i walk to the train. i can feel it in my hair and i can feel it in my hands that clutch my books. the year changes, and so does everyone else i know. people with their thoughts. people with their feelings. people with their emotions. people with their fears. people with their tears. most of all, people with their people. as i've grown, i've been independent. but as i have matured i have become interdependent. it's perplexing. to think that there is a planet in the universe. and on that planet are many sections of land. and those pieces of land are further divided up into factions. and those factions into factions and so on. and to think in one small place. there, you can meet the people you want to be with for the rest of your life. the people that you want to be around all the time. and some people that you cannot stand, but you know you love them. the year is changing.

all right. i best go back to studying. blegh. just religion for tonight, and then i am probably doing some halo with jb. tomorrow i am going to cram religion and social studies. then after tuesday's exams, i'll study french and english for their exams on wednesday (which will be SO fucking easy.) then wednesday i'll study for math and science for the tests on thursday. then thursday? thursday i post about how content i am and about my plans for the rest of break. it's going to be a long post - i shit you not. i’m locked ‘n loaded for these tests. wish me luck.

You're my satellite
You're riding with me tonight
Passenger side, lighting the sky
Always the first star that I find
You're my satellite

Maybe you will always be
Just a little out of reach

would you look at me - i'm crazy. but i get the job done.

2006-12-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

this is going to be quick. i just feel like taking a break from my tenacious study sessions and elaborating upon the fluff that stifles my everyday life. it's eight twenty and i have two tests tomorrow to study for. they are not trimesters - those are next week - but they are sort of important because they are the last tests of the marking period and i need to actually know the information i am being tested on (it usually helps.)

okay so JB came over a couple of hours ago to investigate the ins and outs of the xbox360 that i was able to snag for real cheap the other day. my brother also got one and he picked up gears of war which i have been addicted to for the past couple of days. the tv in my room is high-def so the game looks gorgeous. crisp. clean. shiny. it's great. the game is also fun, which helps... but jesus this is an intense game. somehow cliffyB has found a way to grab the player by the balls and throw him into a new scenario with different strategies every time. for example: jb and i were playing some coop and we had gotten up to a very narrow hallway. and lo and behold, as luck would have it, mutant pigdogs came flying down from the ceiling in all directions.

"yeah, so john. these things come from up there and pretty much..."
"eat you... i can see..."
"yeah."
"i think it's chainsaw time."
"oh, me too."

“oh… my God”

i am a strong strong strong proponent of attaching a chainsaw to the end of your gun. it's really just incredible how satisfying it is to go up to someone - mid firefight - from behind and just throw a huge spinning, flesh-grinding blade into their neck. and if that's not all! you can decapitate someone with a hefty scissor kick with your pair of beefy legs. it's a fun game.

but enough of my grim stories of blood and guts.

so nick, being the dashboard confessional loving teenager that he is, sent me some hellogoodbye (at my request.) here (in your arms) is an interesting song. i like it... almost. something about it that prohibits me from giving it a five out of five. it makes me want to dance, but then something makes me stop immediately. it kind of gets me... not jealous... but sort of lonely? i'm not sure. if this song is about someone with whom you have brushed cheeks with, as the lyrics declare, then i sort of feel out of place or like i am missing out. ah well. i opine a lot about these things and i'm not sure where it gets me, but it's something to think about.

i am really looking forward to christmas this year. it's going to be peachy-keen. i don't really want anything gift-wise. i'm awfully pleased with the people i have around me. as much as inserting a tree cutting tool into someone's body is, i just want to spend time with my friends this vacation. so ring me up whenever.

(we look good, side by side)

public service announcement

2006-12-08T23:40:00.001-08:00

this post is about one album in particular that makes me look at life in a different way every time i listen to it. it changes me every time i hear it. it's by a band called bexar bexar. the record, haralambos, is composed of complete instrumentals and focuses on an atmospheric ambience theme. it is diverse in that some songs are very light with only simple guitar parts and there are some tracks that are composed of intricate combinations of riffs that work in tandem to produce audible magic. i think this band is a prime example of how music is an art.

it's amazing, you know. i've always said that music is life changing. i think it is. for me at least, i involuntarily dedicate songs to certain moments in my life so the music becomes a part of who i am. i can be coming home from a friend's house after having a great night and then put on 'we are not a football team' by minus the bear. when i hear the tune, it brings me back to a point in my life that i couldn't bear experience again. if i put on 'baba o'riley' by the who, it reminds me of my father and how i would sit in the back of his car when i was younger listening to this song. if i put on 'so long' by guster, i miss my brother. music is an art. no matter which way you look at it, music is all about emotion. whether it's a dance beat that you bop around to or an orchestrated piece - it's about feeling.

perhaps it is has something to do with my growing up. i was always surrounded by music. my brother played the tuba and the bass guitar and my mother was a music teacher. i remember picking up the piano when i was younger and i didn't like it. i sort of regret dropping it because, in retrospect, i wish i could play it. i moved on to the trombone for two years until my band director needed a tuba. since the teacher was under the impression that my parents' sole purpose in life was to breed tuba players, he asked me if i was interested. i said yes. i really liked it a lot and i was playing better on the tuba than i ever did on the trombone. then i picked up the bass guitar a couple years later and i fell in love with the instrument. interestingly enough, i apparently enjoy playing instruments in the bass clef over the treble.

well if there is nothing you've gotten out of this post so far, i will say this: don't forget about music. if you are feeling down, listen to a happy tune. if you are in a good mood, listen to happy tunes. it's as simple as that. just watch out, though, because a sad song can turn your smile upside down. as i have said in the past, and as i will continue to do so in the future, music is so much of my life each and every day. i compare it to eating. if you whistle a tune all the time, if you dance when something makes you want to dance, if you sing along to songs, and you don't care about what others think - then you're living life the way you should be. if you don't – start.

"Bexar Bexar's debut album...is 15 songs of instrumental ambience and gentleness, open and clear and delivered well. Reminding the listener of the finer moments from such artists as Mum and Tortoise, the songs flow together so smoothly that the album is over before you realize it. Bexar Bexar can definitely pull the senses in, evoking memories of sunny autumn afternoons or lazy Sunday mornings snuggled underneath layers of warm blankets. The music is composed of mild electronic sounds, mellow guitar tones, upbeat loops, and a good deal of ambience is noted on Haralambos, as well. And whether feelings generated from the songs are akin to the stark melancholy of looking upon a freshly fallen snow or the hopeful joy of waking to a fresh autumn day, this is one hell of a great album."

- Kurt Morris, All Music Guide

i really need to learn how to tie my shoes/is there an apothecary out there that works with magic?

2006-12-03T08:09:00.000-08:00

hey folks. what's going on?

it's sunday morning. eleven zero nine. i just came back from church. sadly, it was first grader sunday so there was a lot of little childrens in the audience. i went to see happy feet with cc on friday evening and there were also lots of childrens in there, as well. they weren't too penible though.

right. so happy feet was a great motion picture. the movie is, for all intents and purposes, about a herd? of penguins that find their mates through the love songs that fester within their penguin souls. every penguin can sing and has their own style and whoever is attracted to your love song is your predetermined mate. one penguin is born who cannot sing - but dance, (he's got happy feet.) and oh! does he dance. he had me dancing in my seat. it was a cute movie and i enjoyed it. who doesn't like singing and penguins? after penguins, i returned home to play some starcraft with thescot. then manwhich and steve joined up. it was fun.

yesterday i had henry and nick over. they had arrived at my front door as i was in the middle of an ultimate battle of right and wrong with jb...

...so they gathered 'round my cpu while i finished up my altercation. then we hit the upstairs to present the wii to nick who had not seen it before. nick made a mii and we played some wiisports. i remain the undefeated champ' in wiiboxing so if anyone wants to try to steal the title, you are more than welcome to try... and phail miserably. apparently when the remotes are in anyone's grubby little hands other than mine, they refuse to respond to any gesticulations you make. yeah that's not true at all.

and after our digitally enhanced good time, we decided to go to bobby finke's house to play some manhunt. so we went to bob's and then we headed over to the field. after some standing around on the sea of asphalt we played some tag. then we played some manhunt. then a bunch of renegades bicycled their way onto the field. i can only imagine the chicanery they vehemently caused throughout the town before gracing us with their smog of cologne and deodorant. ah well. it was funny for me, actually, because them on their bikes really reminded me of the bikers in pokemon red and blue that would not refrain from bothering you. ever.

and today? who knows? i want to do some more starcraft, but we shall see. i may also tackle some more twilight princess before the day's end. i am about thirteen hours into it and i am so overwhelmed with the sheer size of hyrule this time around. there is so much going on and so much you can do. i was lost in lake hylia for about one and one half hours. how amazing is that? really amazing.

well. i want a six string bass right about now. i also want a killer sweet bass amplifier. i'm trying to get better at slap because once you are good at that, so much more of the instrument is opened up to you.

dragonforce is easily one of my favourite bands evar. they make me want to rob a bank and fly away in my getaway car - a flaming chariot. (*phaded 001)

all right. have a good five day week while I enjoy my four day week. it seems that catholics like having december 8^th off…

have a good day my friends. listen to a song. keep the song in your head. whistle and sing the song. trust me - it makes the day go much smoother.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUDGEMENT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-23T22:01:00.000-08:00

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE TENTH POST IN LIKE ONE WEEK BUT I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING. I WILL REITERATE THAT I HAVE A SAY ANYTHING TO GO TO ON FRIDAY. OH MY FUCKING GOD, AM I PUMPED. I WILL SING ALONG. I WILL BOP. I AM WITH MY TWO BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD. JB AND CC. (IRONICALLY BOTH HAVING NAMES WITH ONLY TWO LETTERS.) I KNOW THIS IS THANKSGIVING. I KNOW THAT I AM TRULY THANKFUL FOR HAVING THE TWO BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD RIGHT KNOW. I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY I CAN RUN A MILE AND NOT GET TIRED. I AM GOING TO BE JUST JUMPING AROUND TOMORROW AND YELLING. IT'S INSANE. I SHOULDN'T BE THIS LUCKY TO HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD AND TO GO TO SEE AN AMAZING BAND. I AM GOING TO ROCK OUT. FROM THIS MOMENT UNTIL I GET HOME TOMORROW I AM GOING TO BE IN ROCK OUT MODE. I AM NOT GOING TO BE MYSELF. I LOVE CC. I LOVE JB. THEY ARE MY FAVORITES AND WANT TO BE WITH THEM FOREVER. THEY ARE LIKE MY TATL AND TAEL. CAN YOU IMAGINE GOING TO THE BEST CONCERT EVER WITH YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS EVER? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE ENERGY THE BALLROOM WILL HAVE TOMORROW? CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SHEER POWER. FUCKIN' A. OH MY LORD I HAVE TO GET REST FOR TOMORROW. BE THANKFUL FOR WHO YOU HAVE GUYS. SERIOUSLY. AND IF I WEREN'T GOING TO THIS CONCERT, I'D SAY THE SAME THING - I FIGURED NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO YELL IT OUT THOUGH. OH YEAH. I'M YELLING IN YOUR FACE THIS WHOLE TIME WITH SALIVA DRIPPING DOWN MY NECK WHILE YOU READ THIS. I AM FUCKING SCREAMING LIKE A BANSHEE. I AM FUCKING PUMPED. THERE IS A SMALL CONCENTRATED ORB OF KARISMA THAT IS SLOWLY BUT SURELY SEEPING OUT ITS CONTENTS. BY TOMORROW IT'S GOING TO ASPLODE. AND WHILE I WRITE THIS BLOCK OF TEXT, I LISTEN TO SAY ANYTHING. MAX IS MY HOMEBOY. BE THANKFUL FOR WHO YOU HAVE! FUCK BELONGINGS BECAUSE I'VE NEVER EVER HAD AS MUCH FUN AS I DO WHEN I JUST FUCK AROUND WITH JB OR WHEN I DANCE (SHUFFLE AROUND) IN CC'S ROOM WHILE SHE STARES AT ME LAUGHING. I FUCKING CANNOT EMPHASIZE HOW MUCH PEOPLE MATTER OVER MATERIAL THINGS. IF YOU EVER HAVE A PERSON THAT MEANS A LOT TO YOU AND YOU MEAN A LOT TO THEM, HOLD ON TO THAT PERSON FOREVER AND EVER. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THEY ARE. JUST DO IT. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU OTHERWISE. AN EVENING ALONE WITH CLOSE FRIENDS WHO MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU TOPS BUYING SEVERAL HUNDRED VIDEO GAMES OR BUYING A MANSION. HAVING FRIENDS WHO MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT. BE THANKFUL AND PRAY TO THE FUCKING HEAVENS THEY GO NOWHERE AND YOU CAN BE WITH THEM FOREVER. GUYS - YOU HAVE A FUCKING GREAT AFTERNOON/EVENING/DAY. I AM IN A WHIRLWIND OF INSANITY AND HAPINESS RIGHT NOW. IF I COULD ONLY INPUT MY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW INTO TEXT YOU GUYS WOULD BE ROCKING OUT WITH ME. I WISH I COULD. I REALLY DO. PEACE GUYS. GO TELL SOMEONE WHO MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU THAT YOU LOVE THEM. GO HUG SOMEONE. GO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU. IF YOU HAVE A GOOD FRIEND, THEN YOU'RE THE WEALTHIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. AND I AM NOT TALKING LIKE A FORTUNE COOKIE OR SOMETHING. I’M NOT LIKE THE ANTI-BULLYING PRICK WHO COMES TO YOUR THIRD GRADE CLASS. I MEAN IT. LOVE YOU GUYS. PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I DID NOT PROOFREAD THIS ‘CAUSE I AM RAWKING OUT. BEAR WITH MY MISTAKES, PLEASE.)

happy thanksgiving

2006-11-23T11:48:00.000-08:00

just wanted to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. remember to be thankful for what you have, and be mindful of those who don't have anything.

enjoy today's feast.

~patrick

goat in!

2006-11-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

i won’t say anything about the wii because i aim to have a post dedicated to my thoughts about the system, and adventures in attaining it, in a week or two. i, being the suzerain that i am, just wanted to feed my text-hungry readers with this post.

it's monday night. just turned 9:15 PM. i have a slight fever. i was so tired today. ah well. tomorrow is tuesday and lv has a half day. they also have wednesday off. my vacation starts thursday - boo. it's not all that bad though 'cause ryan is coming back from school for his thanksgiving break. i also get to see my cousins (yay?) on thursday. friday - since there are crazy sales - i was planning on picking up a gameboy micro for about forty dollars. however, an even more intriguing invitation popped up, thanks to cc and family. i am going to go see say anything in new jersey on friday. wee. i love that band, but i have not listened to them in quite some time. as soon as i learned i was going to see max, i immediately made a playlist of all of the songs i cannot completely sing along to. but don't worry. meashon cumpleat.

my left arm hurts.

oh well. i have some homework left to do tonight (an honest mistake by the bravery just came on) and a riflery safety test - you heard me - to study for. can you believe that? i might be misunderestimating the pure vigor that emits from a safety test though. watch me phail it. oh well. i'm confident in my abilities to think logically and reason - i'm not a woman. also - when we had to fill out a form about why we wanted to join the club/team, i wrote a very elongated response and the phrase "i'm not a bloodthirsty avenger" was used.

BAH. okay. gonna go do some work. while i sulk in my melancholy, you public school folks enjoy your one and one half days off. you lackadaisical pigdogs…

(really looking forward to saturday. gonna be peachy-keen.)

<(‘.’<) <(O_o)> (>’.’)>

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

this just in

2006-11-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

the wii comes out tomorrow.

okay. so my dad just called me and said he is waiting on line at bestbuy right now. he spoke to one of the guys there and he said they are opening up tomorrow at nine am. looks like my mom is going to come pick me up and drive me over there to wait on line where i am going to be waiting, for over twelve hours in the cold night, for a system i have been waiting for for a couple of years. fuckin' a.

i am bringing my nintendo sweatshirt and my zelda boxers and my sp/dslite. i am so content.

all of you are welcome to come over on sunday at any time to check the wii out or say hello. you have an excellent night - i know i will.

life is ten times better when you dance

2006-11-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

t minus eight hours

selfless, cold, and composed

2006-11-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

blur.

we walk through the park. it's freezing outside and the both of us love it. i can't see her face but i hope she's smiling. my indecision to take action is killing me so i put my arm around her. what did i have to lose? she rests her head on my shoulder and we continue our walk to nowhere special. we're tired so we lie down on the grass. i can see the stars and i try to think about the people who dedicate their lives to deciphering the constellation in the celestial heavens. then i think about how they grew up. did they ever come to this very spot and gaze at the stars. then i remember that all that matters is the person i am with. i want to ask her what's on her mind. so i do. she says she was wondering about the stars and how she remembered how she used to learn about constellations and be completely baffled. i take one minute to actually register the fact that the two of us were actually thinking about the same thing, unknowingly. i told her that i was just thinking that. we both laugh, lightly. i reach out for her hand. i can feel the sleeve of her sweater on my arm. i wonder where she got it. maybe she shops in the mall. maybe she orders things online. maybe she doesn't care how she looks and she agrees with me that she is naturally beautiful. i fall asleep for a moment or two. i don't know if she did. i get up and appreciate the calmness of the night. it's getting late. it's all right, though. she gets up, too, and stares into my eyes. i think this was the first time i saw her face so far. her eyes were green in the stars' light. i thought about my eyes. i thought they were green but i couldn't remember what my family used to tell me they were. she said my eyes were green. the wind was calming down now. she asked me how many relationships i had in my lifetime. i said none. i told her i hadn't ever kissed anyone before, either. she chuckled and said it was sweet. i felt comforted. i think back to the times of when i would sit and hope to meet someone radically different. i wasn't sure if this was her. i quickly tried to balance the probability of this girl being the right one. i couldn't. then i tried to convince myself that love cannot be calculated and can change. then i think about my first love and how maybe that was the girl for me and i am making a mistake. i think about how when i was younger, i thought marriage was an official bond between two people who were really the only two people in the world for each other. i remember not ever understanding that idea. i also remembered getting older and realizing that marriage does not equal love and that people can marry twice, three times, four. she touches my face and i think back to the lyric "when you smile and touch my face you make it all just go away" by everclear. i smile because i'm happy i can draw relations to things that are so far out. i feel strange because i know most people would never be able to make the connections i do. i also smile because a girl is touching my face. i lost track of time. but in retrospect, i did not care one bit about time. well, not true. i wondered about how much time i would have left in the night with this girl. i wondered what i would say when we parted. she kisses me on the cheek and says that she'll call me later. she walks back to where we came from but i am still staring at the darkness that was once behind her. i touched my cheek, and felt like i was in a terrible eighties movie where a geek would get a kiss and then say he would never wash his face again. it interests me, that, because not ever bathing would make him smell terribly. i look back, and i can see her crimson coloured sweatshirt in the distance. i think about the times when my friends would say they "hooked up" with a girl and i would always say that it's a retarded term. then i remembered always reminding people who used ‘retarded’ that it's a retarded word to use. i think back on how many times i was sitting in my room playing my guitar or just thinking about a day like this. i wonder if a kiss on the cheek is pathetic compared to making out. i didn't mind. i also wondered whether or not she would call. i remember past instances when i would await a phone call, and the phone would never ring. i wished i had gotten her number so i could call her just in case. was she just being nice to me, i thought? will she really call me? that means she is somewhat interested i tried to convince myself. i think about how i acted and if i could have changed how the night played out with something i could have said. i wonder if i blew it. i wonder if the little things you do even matter in the long run. i think about the idea of being in the right place at the right time. i’m sort of overwhelmed. the upsetting feelings better stop. i walk through the park and it’s a little warmer than before. i love it in my lonesome.

Failing, Flailing

2006-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

hello my faithful readers. i know these recent posts have not been teeming with juicy gossip or hilarities of any nature. i hope to bring some merriment into my future posts 'cause i am sure no one wants to read about SHIT that i have to deal with. am i right?

okay so it's what - the sixth? yeah. my pa's birthday today. he's getting older and it seems that as he ages i appreciate him more and more. he's so awesome and great to talk to about anything. it's funny because he's usually never wrong with his advice. ah well.

halloween was fun. i went trick or treating (t ‘n’ t) twice, both times as the masked avenger. the masked avenger does not get into trouble - trouble finds the masked avenger. that was quite the night.

and then on my day off, all saint's day, i went to school! but not my school. i went to lv for a day and followed around my buddy jb. it was fun. it was also sad though 'cause it made me miss a lot of the laughs with my old friends. although i have to say now, that chami is getting a lot better and i am enjoying myself. it's weird 'cause even if i wake up in the worst mood, i go to chami and by first period i'm usually in a state of mind existentially better than before. i'm not sure why. maybe it's the environment? i guess that's good. i still miss lv, though.

and i haven't been in the best of moods either, as of late. but i'm managing - mainly 'cause there are few alternatives. i guess i need something to revert my attention to these days because i seem to be so occupied with something. my problems pertain to the fact that i have so many questions and am just worrying that i am missing out on something. it seems like everyone is doing something or getting involved and i'm left behind by either feeling not as involved or not part of a community or something. i don't even know. it's weird stuff.

i have school tomorrow and lv does not. oh well... i also go to saratoga(sp) upstate on friday with the history club to celebrate veteran's day. we're going to march through the battlefields and experience the terrain and all of that. i look forward to it. i'd rather see some people that day, but it is what it is. and then SATURDAY i have a debate competition. that evening, however, i am free and hope to do something. unrelated - i've concluded that i am a huge geek and i love it so. I take so much pride in the fact that i invited my friends over the other day and they watched me beat the great bay temple. Hahaha nice. Maybe some don’t like that; i do.

and RIGHT ABOUT NOW i am going to go do some motherfucking work and listen to some more streetlight manifesto. Hot DAMN this band. They’ve been carrying me through these past couple of weeks. Amazing music, lyrics, messages, etc. love it. LOVE it. ‘kay well i’m tackling this studying and writing my aff/neg constructives for debate now. love you guys.

sticks and stones may break my bones
but names will never hurt me
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me
oh, it's hard, i know
when it's time to stand alone
and no one understands you

Do you realize what you've done?

2006-10-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

i don't think this post needs any additional clarification.

Magic Hags' Potion

2006-10-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

okay let me start off by saying that just twenty minutes i was in a fit of rage. i wanted to saw my chair in half and dropkick my window into shattered pieces of glass. i wanted to take my gamecube and run it over one hundred and seventy two times with a tractor while the valkyrie missiles above waited for my signal to drop their contents. i was on the last room of the great bay temple in majora's mask and my god damn gamecube freezes on me. it makes this incredibly neurotic noise. it makes the screen stiffen. there is but one frame. it's zora link rolling into the box i was about to break open for some hearts.

all right. well. besides that, i'm fifteen and pretty decent. my birthday was yesterday. it was a lonely birthday because i didn't see any of my friends, but i really appreciated everyone who left me a message/picture/texted my cell - it made me smile and my day as well. thanks!

i've been listening to some moby these days. play to be exact. he's awesome. that album goes everywhere though and covers various themes and, i guess genres you could say. nick also left his ipod at my house from that confirmation party and i've been creating/deleting playlists ever since. neonnightriders! was my favourite playlist title - title is from teenaged mutant ninja turtles IV: turtles in time. i think the playlist only had like two songs on it though. better yet, thescot sent me some daft punk the other night. they are such an amazing band. they make me want to dance, and as i've said before, not many bands make me want to dance.

so my brother, for my birthday, got me some gbc zelda games which are lots of fun. i was playing one of them, oracle of ages, just the other day and i realized how satisfying it was to be depended on by the entire world. it was up to me to save the world from turning into a vast land of evil and harshness. i thought that was really neat. this was the first time i thought about the connection between me and the character and thinking about it now, i've only really felt that connection with adventureish games - namely ocarina of time and chrono trigger. in ocarina, you really felt like you were in the game. i was so immersed in the game, and despite the long (3/4 of a year) hiatus before finishing the water temple, it felt like a continuous story that was blended together so well. i mean, it really was just go from point a to point b(point c for some bonus points)to point d, but it was the story/characters/atmosphere that made me want to go from point a to d and rid those points of all evil and try to promote harmony. and at the very end when you are battling the final boss, the game does such a good job of just making you feel like this is the end. you don't know what you've been waiting for, but this is it. this is the climax. this is the time where you can stand up and use all of your skills and knowledge to finally let the sun shine again and the fairy children play in the forests again. it was as if your worst enemy was standing in front of you, and by eliminating him with a thirst of revenge, you could achieve everything you ever wanted. it's been a while since i've played ocarina, and i only recently think it my favorite game because of the feeling i got during/at the end of it, and i haven't played a game since that has captured me in such a way. it was like another world, that game, and i miss it. i loved riding around on my trusty best friend, epona the horse, through hyrule field and slaying any monsters that came about. occasionally, i would stop to investigate the frequent grottos that were there to be discovered. i'd take the loot inside, and keep going. i'd go to the next dungeon, solve the puzzles and get the new weapon, and then go back to previous places that i had been and try to collect more skultulla pieces. i'd love to be a hero in real life.

well that's that. kind of odd how i can write all of that about a single game, huh? and it's not that i like the game because of it's awards or because my brother says it's amazing. to be quite honest, i never thought it to be such a good game until after i beat it and realized how wonderful it was. i mean i enjoyed the game while going through it, but it was after playing other games that i really missed it. i think i kind of expected the level of perfection that ocarina had in all other games and was disappointed. ah well. here's hoping to twighlight princess giving me the same type of satisfaction.

http://weapologizefortheinconvieniece.blogspot.com/

go to henry's blog. ^^^ now.

i am supposed to go to my cousins' house on saturday, but i really don't want to. luckily, i was informed tonight that hayden is having a halloween thing, or some going-on of that nature, on saturday as well. sweet. i love that girl. and even sweeter, for me at least, is that i get the day after Halloween off 'cause it's "all soul's day" as bobby likes to put it. it's really all saint's day and i'll be following my man JB around to all of his classes that day. i am looking forward to it. i just hope it doesn't make me miss my middle school years even more than i do now. ah well. suck it up boyscout.

okay well i have about eight chapters to read in to kill a mockingbird and i already read the book last year. boo. anyway. catch you guys later and thanks for the magnificent birthday wishes the other day. i really appreciate the support you guys have given me and my blog this past year. it's actually one year and one month that this blog has been around, roughly. i think that's kind of neat. do me a favor and read something in october of last year and read one of my recent posts and see how different it is. you'll see. night my friends. sleep well.

What the FUCK!

2006-10-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

confirmation today! that was fun. not fun in the entertaining sense, but more like in the nice to see everyone in LV sense. i miss not seeing the people i hate.

so i had relatives come over and cc, corinne, jess, sophia, mike, nick, john, henry, and matt as well. it was very fun. we played a rousing game of running bases, some manhunt for about a half of a second because mike gave up (and his stopping the game resulted in me and cc throwing syrup berries at him), and then we played some truth or dare. the worst dare that i think we had was either A. roundhouse kicking a tree, or B. licking mike's ear/putting mike's hair in your mouth. and i think the worst truth we had was like asking me if i have ever had an erection. right, so it was a waste of time excluding the frequent episodes of mike making a fool of himself. we also played a board game entitled battle of the sexes which was interesting to say the very least. it was a lot of fun and a great idea for a gift 'cause we had just enough girls and boys to play it. thanks, cc. i also got winter candy apple body lotion from bath and body works. sweet. now i can smell like cc! and who doesn't want that?

when cc, corinne, and jess had to leave, we walked them over to corinne's house. on our way, we were violently barked at by a tyrannical sharkdog. luckily the sharkdog did not impede our progress so we successfully made it to corinne's house. i hugged cc, and then we saw all three of them off. wish they didn't have to go so soon. i guess it happens.

so we came back and watched the grudge in my room. aaaaaaaand it was quite possibly one of the worst movies i have seen in my entire life. i don't see how a blue chinc running around naked hitting bowls of soup off of tables is scary, let alone plot-heavy enough to have a movie created about it. but alas, i don't make the movies. i just criticize them.

was a very fun evening and i enjoyed myself a lot more than i thought i would have. at one point, jess, cc, corinne, and sophia had some "girl things" to take care of? and they walked away from the group - leaving me, matt, john, henry, nick, and mike. and when we were just sort of standing there with nothing to do, i realized that we had changed a lot over the years. first of all, it was the first time we had all been together in a long, long time. secondly, our transformations from 6th grade to 9th grade were so apparent. henry changed from a very closed person to a slightly lesser closed person. nick changed from being annoying to probably one of the most loved kids in the grade by some. matt discovered his love for computers and became the person that knows probably more than me about computers and the internets. jb, one of my friends, turned into one of my best pals. mike did not change. the point i am trying to make here is that it was the first time that i really thought i had a solid group of friends because even though we are different people, we are still able to have a lot of laughs by just screwing around and chuckling at each other's expenses - and we didn't need video games for it.

my birthday is on monday and i will be fifteen. i am so small for fifteen, it's insane. hopefully that'll change - and if not, i really don't care at all. i'm already taller than my mom and that's all that i care about at the moment when it comes to my height. fifteen is just one year closer to sixteen which is one year away from seventeen which enables me to drive. and when i do drive, i am driving everywhere. all of the places that i have always wanted to go to, i will drive there. i'll bring friends along and we can just go places. sometimes i'd like to just leave my house and go somewhere and so many times my dream for that is dismantled by the fact that i have no car and cannot drive.

well i'm going to study a bit for a science test i am going to phail and then go to bed. i'll probably put on some of that before-mentioned body lotion 'cause i'm feeling a tad shitty at the moment. but hey, motherfuckers - life goes on.

life goes on even when you don't want it to. life goes on even when you think you have reached the bottomslashend. life goes on even when there is no one there to turn to in the middle of the night when you feel like a worthless piece of shit who missed out on his middle school years 'cause he was a fat fuck that was so vein and condescending and when you feel terrible for subconscious reasons that you cannot understand yourself. life goes on even when you regret things you've done and regret what you should have done. life goes on when you promise yourself you're going to be different from then on and life goes on when you feel shitty about breaking those promises you made to yourself. life goes on even when you have zero faith in God. life goes on when you feel better about those things after the storm has ended. and hey - life even goes on when the cycle starts over again. life goes on when you feel there's nowhere to turn which leads me to believe that taking a risk is one way to turn in time of need. so life goes on even when you are feeling stupid because you do something out of the ordinary or "uncool" to certain people. and even though i'm only fifteen, or thereabouts, i need to emphasize the fact that life goes on no matter what you do and things will turn out all right. life goes on, so don't be like me and not say the words that want to leap out of your mouth at the most opportune time and don't be like me and feel superior because you aren't. and i'm curious everyday if it's weird that i've been having these daydreams of walking through a park in the cold weather with a significant other veiled in mystery and going places and doing things differently and sort of just leaving. not leaving my house, because to be quite truthful i like my cave of a room since it has all the things i need, but leaving my problems and maybe taking my problems with me and discarding them some place far off to prevent others from going through the same shit. life goes on even when you have a stale taste in your mouth that things won't change. and the advice i give to myself is to suck it up and stop being a big pussy about it all and stop being emotional and stop complaining. i'm sure all of you readers are really fucking fed up with my aimless rants about the world and my problems, but none of you are obligated to read this anyway. i guess reading this is just learning about a piece of me that i am learning about as i write it. so maybe if you can help me, we'll figure it out together.

i feel like i am in a dark tunnel with light at the very end. a glowing, triumphant, warm light that draws me to it. and even though i get closer and closer and the light illuminates the tunnel's walls, it seems that i will never get to the end. and the sludge of the tunnel floor is there to remind me of all the mistakes i’ve made and all of the things i regret. the thick, musty air is there to remind me of my bitter personality to so many people. but i'm not some derivative kid who is mildly retarded. oh noes. i have a dslite with me which acts as a substitute for the main unattainable light that i still work towards. i have a computer that plugs me into the social pipeline, that i'm really not even in as far as i am concerned, to talk to the people i think i want to meet. i also have my ipod, although broken, that produces sound to clear my thoughts. so i have some forms of escapism, such as music, games, and friends, that get my mind of the light i cannot get to... but they are really just artificial ideas that i use to try to convince myself i'm all right without the light - 'cause i'm really not. and i try to do well in school because maybe the light comes with fortune and success, but i know it doesn't. i know the light comes from people i haven't met yet that haven't met me yet. it makes sense that i feel like there is nowhere to go if the people i need to meet are not in my life yet. i hope i meet her soon.

anyway. hopefully i can hit up the movies tomorrow and see grudge 2 with nick and some others. hope that works out. for now, i go back into feeling just all right and pretending i'm fine and shitty at the same time. i don't even know what that means. whatever.

Dude, Get With The Program...

2006-10-16T15:08:00.000-07:00

i've found a solution to being exhausted - sleep during religion class.

it's currently about six zero nine pm at the moment, and of course it always lists that i posted some hours later than i actually did. got home around four and called about every EB i could find and all of them said: "we're no longer taking pre-orders for the wii." and after my medleys of writhing last night, i knew i needed to do something about this predicament. luckily i called the local FYE - and urethra! - they were taking pre-orders! the fellow behind the counter, when i went over, was a huuuuuuuuge douchebag; but, what can you do? the man works at FYE, and i have to say he had the coolest watch i have ever seen. the watch's base was probably the size of a hockey puck. i couldn't get past his assy remarks to compliment it, however.

november 19th is going to be a good day. actually i think the whole weekend will be a good weekend. tp.

okay so i have this retreat thing tomorrow. right after school, i hop on a bus that goes over to brookeville. there, chaminade has this neat "retreat" house with some amounts of acres to do some running and monotheistic worship with the trees. in total, there'll be about eighteen guys there. we're to talk about God and our faith, play pool, ping pong, eat lots of food, and watch television (so i hear, at least.) it sounds fun so i am looking forward to it. sort of.

okay. i have some work to do. talk to you guys wednesday evening after the retreat. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

South Side/Velvet Pants

2006-10-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

bonjour.

forgive me. i updated my blog because blogspot's ad had shiny buttons and all of these awesome things that you get when you update. i had no idea Ronald McDonald would be featured on my blog. i have no idea why that's there. i think it has something to do with my gmail account. aside from the fact that i eliminated the previous "edit-me" links and added some more important links, nothing is new with this update. oh yeah. i also changed the template but that's not special.

i'll really post later on tonight.

It's Official! We're Boriiiiiiiing!

2006-10-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

hey everyone.

thursday afternoon. wee. virtually no work needs to be done for tomorrow so i'm pretty much partying. i'm "supposed" to work on my debate aff/neg for saturday's tournament but i doubt that's going to happen - and if it is, i doubt any productive work will be put into either of them.

so i really just involuntarily dismantled my ipod the other day - without even noticing it. apparently the effects of cement and ipod result in many laughs and "wow patrick. you're a dumb kid," from my brother. in retrospect i should have probably been aware that a small piece of cotton, or whatever it is that my bookbag is made of, cannot prevent the penetration of an ipod screen. but to tell you the truth it's not all that bad because i get about an eighth of the screen that is operational and that eighth just so happens to be the title of the song that is playing. it also leaves me just enough room to give me an actual selection when i want to pick a song! i'm so spoiled.

"so i heard from a lot of people that yesterday was "coming out" day. that's interesting. it's not that i do not like gay people. and my religion teacher told me it's not like they are sins, as well. but i really don't care because i'm actually fond of some "sins" - especially fornication. but i do think that gay people are errors. glitches in an already corrupt system. the system being our environment and the people we live with. of course the truth about how the earth started is equivocal at this time and we do not know for sure how everything started - but i can only think that the human race and its forerunners actually populated and spread throughout the earth due to not gay beings. maybe think about gay people as slaves. we had slaves in our country. some years ago, the united states was split into two factions. north and south. the north and the south butted heads about slavery until they fought about it and they eliminated the slavery due to the dominant side - the north. okay. so we have gay people and i guess you could say gayism solely because i would rather make up a word than say homosexuality. so you have gays, and they are oppressed because of the gayism. if we eliminate gayism then the "slaves" will be freed of their torture. see where i am going with this? who wants to be born gay? who wants to be the opposite of nature? okay so in order to destroy gayism, like we destroyed slavery in our country, we need to apply a similar technique. we made slaves into not slaves which was possible by giving them rights. you cannot take a gay person and make then ungay. it does not work like that. so what's plan b? plan b is starting a homosexual genocide and systematically killing each and every gay until there is no more buttsecks."

*rofl goes the roflcoptor*

okay i’m gone.

-p out

Kay.

2006-10-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Kay back.

Come on, Mike O'Malley!

2006-10-06T22:20:00.000-07:00

all right all. i am heading up to see my brother up at his college this weekend. feel free to call/text my cell if you need to reach me. enjoy your three day weekend and i'll be back on monday. lemme know if anything is happening on monday 'cause i will be coming back early enough to do something as far as i know. enjoy! catch you guys later.

GUTS: DO YOU HAVE IT?

You're not Ron...

2006-10-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

yeah so i am supposed to be studying right now, but that's not happening. hey folks. how is life treating you? i hope you all enjoyed your jewish holiday off whilst i went to school. i'm pro jewish people and pro their holidays but my catholic school prohibits the taking advantage of their festive new year. bah.

so i went to the scream park the other day which was kinda fun. i went with kyle and henry and john and we met up with nick and other various people. i conversed with omar for a short while who i have not seen in a while. it was nice to see him. and then caroline was there and i was able to see her for a brief moment as well (made my night). and after the hellos, we bought our tickets and entered the bay mansion. spooky.

okay so i'm going to abjure my hopes of being a fearless person and put this out there now: i'm not usually a scared person but i kind of get a little freaked out when a man with a chainsaw is chasing me down a hallway - more on that later. so we bought our tickets and we were fortunate enough to receive special gifts for handing in special coupons - jackpot! - and after being entertained by the frail pieces of plastic that were so crudely mistakable for skeletons, we headed on into the mansion amusement.

so a really tall man whom we thought was on stilts was at the entrance and i shook his hand because he was so massive. i'm going to cut a long, loud, funny story short and say that henry was a real man that entire time and i was not. it was kinda funny because nothing scared henry at all. nothing was scary enough that you couldn't look at it but i mean you can't help but jump or yelp when a decaying face pops out you - i would assume that's a postulation. but not for henry. i'd like to think of him as the portcullis of our quaint group of brave warriors, questing through the malevolent mansion, because he entered every room first and got the initial automated responses from all of the robots that would pop out at you. and near the end was a man in a chainsaw. i walked into the room after henry, john, and kyle did so the chainsaw wielding menace went back into his little hole and was ready for more bloodshed by the time i got to the center of the room and my companions left it. so he revs his fucking fisherprice 'saw at me and chases me into a corner and subsequently proceeds to follow me into the hallway that is connected to a room with God knows what on the other side. he returned to the room he was supposed to be in after a couple seconds and i just sprinted behind him to the exit. that... thing... was a huge dick. but i liked him.

and then there was a clown exhibit which was as scary as watching late night public television. after, we went over to a wooden maze thing. there were dead ends and ghoulish creatures that would pop out at you, grab your feet, or knock on the exterior of the corridors. that was neat as well.

so that was a great thirty minutes spent. what next? yeah we did not know either. but we mingled like esurient birds awaiting any iota of fry attainable in a mcdonald’s parking lot. we went to get food and drink in souvlaki and recapped the evening's events. then we aimlessly walked around a little bit because - hey, we have no life. but it was fun. it's funny how being the prey of a man handling impregnable apparatus who is on the hunt for regalement via your blood constitutes as fun.

i went home shortly thereafter and drowned my miseries away with a mean game of starcraft avec henry and john. it was a good evening.

okay so i have school tomorrow. i should study if i don’t want to fail. i miss a lot of people in lv right now it’s just insane. things are getting better but school won’t ever be the same without those who i love. you’re always in my thoughts.

(I’m just learning how to smile, that’s not easy to do.)

-p out

missingno/untitled

2006-09-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

things have been a bit tainted for me lately for various reasons that i won't share. i think i am at a crossroad in my life, but the problem is that i don't where the roads lead to or even when the roads are coming up. i can see things changing around me but it's as if i am statis field'd right outside a busy town and i can't move but i can see and think and miss what i'm seeing. or more like miss what i saw. or miss what i am missing.

i depend on people. it's the truth. you know thinking back on all the times that i was once weak, i always went to someone to talk about it or to just whine about it. i always wonder how the people i go to managed to get through their hard times when they didn't have people for them like them for me i know some had guidance from others, but i am almost positive some didn't. or maybe i don't really know what i am talking about. i just know that certain people in my life, that i look up to, really affect me in so many ways that it's ridiculous. even people i hate right about now have changed me in the past that it's almost like i am the receptacle to hold everyone's old/current/new personalities. i'd like to change a bit. be more like what others want to have. i'd love to be able to help people when they need someone to talk to. and i'm disgusted at the amount of times when i put myself on a pedestal after something great happens to me. it's strange.

you never know the effects you have on certain people. there was a kid at the oktoberfest today who was helping a little girl paint a pumpkin by moving the pumpkin around so she could paint in different spots. then the girl's father comes up to the kid and starts getting mad at him for interrupting her. the boy was obviously hurt somewhat because he had a face on him like 'shut the fuck up.' and i can relate. i remember when strangers would piss me off. but i remember i would take it and keep it inside. in a day or two i would just be like 'okay it doesn't matter anymore.' i got used to that so much that i would just say to myself, after awkward situations, that the feeling would go away in a day or two. i'm saying that you don't know how you can change a person on a day to day basis.

and it's relation. connection. it's a connection that i want to feel with someone that's been lacking. it's almost like there is something i am missing. but like i know what's missing but at the same time i don't. kind of like how you know you want to get something for your birthday but you don't know what. it's that feeling you get when it's a special day and you have to make a decision as to what you want to get. and, again, in that position i would ask for guidance from people because i need the help. i can feel good things and bad things. but if someone i look up to or go to for help has an opinion it usually changes mine a little. but not always. i am not saying that i always go with the crowd, but i am saying you don't know the effect you have on people, like i said before. it's relation because if you can relate it makes you feel better. correction. if i can relate it makes me feel better. but at the same time, say, i listen to a song about a sappy love dilemma, it makes me feel shitty even though i can relate. it just doesn't make a lot of sense.

there are good times and there are bad times. my good time is seeing a friend i haven't see in a while. my bad time is coming home after seeing that friend and realizing i miss them, then feeling shittier, then wanting to see them again, then seeing them again, then coming home and feeling even worse. like a cycle. it's not a cycle of depression or anything. i'm not a depressed kid, be it clinically or just the feeling. i mean, if you know me, i can be a dick, ass, bastard and i can also have a sensitive side but it's all about what you mean to me. but i don't ever feel depressed like there's no hope. there is hope. i am a firm believer that things will get better. even at the precipice of my despair, even when i am standing on the edge of a mountain and behind me is a stampede of roaring animals about to hit me, i would still feel hope. maybe it's not hope. maybe it's putting shit off. maybe it's like, i'll worry about that later. maybe the hope that i think i have is really just sort of a placebo. maybe it's procrastination. maybe you can't see the similarity, but i can. kind of like this: the stampede is about to hit me so i jump and expect there to be a vine or a rock i can hold on to. then i worry about that problem later on.

and i'm not insane. but i like to feel i am. i like to feel good, but when it makes me feel bad later on, i don't. kind of like a drug? maybe. i don't know. like you always resort to something or come back to it, but when you don't have it, you feel worse off than when you didn't have it all and still felt shitty. so it's all about decision making.

decision making. it's not what i do best. sometimes i make pretty good decisions but again i always seek out help when it's needed which i guess is good but i'd like to be more dependant on myself in the future. i'd like to stand on my own two feet. i don't want to be pulled up all the time when i fall. i think making bad decisions is parallel to learning. if you're smart and take note about what happens to you - the consequences - you won't do it again. isn't that sort of funny though how i say this when just before i said how i decide to see my friends and then come home and experience the consequence of not having them all the time. yeah.

and maybe i'm heartbroken. maybe that thing i am missing is someone in my life who can take help me. someone new i can talk to. but maybe not a new person, but someone i've known for a long time and never really saw. maybe a person that i really never liked at all or never knew. but i still think i do need someone new. new. unique. maybe not new, but different. something i haven't had before. an escape maybe. speaking of. i think i need one. maybe it's just the "gamer" in me but when i play a game i forget about all of my problems and it's great. it's an escape. if i want to run through a land filled with mushrooms and smiling hills i can and i can do what i want. people don't disrespect me and i don't get emotionally attached to anyone. and then when i turn it off and come back to it later, it's the same. a good game can be like heaven to me in that it's a way to express yourself through someone else. you can take risks and not have it affect your real life. you can be the one who takes risks in a game and satisfy the urge you have in real life to do something out of the ordinary. and that leads me to believe that maybe it's not something new that i want. if i wanted something new i wouldn't be playing the same games over and over again. or maybe i haven't experienced all of the game. maybe i haven't experienced all it is that people i know have to offer. maybe i just love some games so much that I can’t get enough of them. maybe i just love some people so much that I can’t get enough of them. maybe i don't realize that people on the inside can be much different than on the outside. this is true because i've changed so much this year physically. i haven't changed on the inside though. and i feel good about how i look. and even better is that after i feel good, i don't feel shitty about not looking good later because i've already reached the feeling that i looked good. maybe it's about consistency. reliability. maybe it's about seeing the people i love all the time. see if i don't ever leave the people i love, then there's no feeling of worthlessness when i'm not around them. if i am forever with them then i will feel good until i've collected all of the stars in the game and the smiling hills and mushrooms no longer entertain me.

so i'm at a crossroad in my life and i don't know where to turn. a lot of things are on my mind at the moment and feeling the way i do doesn't help. you can think me annoying if you please. but i wouldn't. people change. people feel weird sometimes. i'm that person. i'm on the borderline of content and sad at the same time. but there's never just a little bit. it's always an extreme. always a fucking extreme. it's fucking crazy really because i'm kind of fed up with that. i've felt okay in the past. and i've felt sort of bad in the past. but not these days. it's on or off. it's on or off because i am either with the person i want to be with, or i'm not. fuck.

Étrangers dans la nuit.

2006-09-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hi folks. Are things sound for everyone? I hope everyone's new school year has started off very well. My experience at my new school is interesting. It's different. I miss a lot of people that I don't/won't see anymore. I guess it's just one of those things.

So yeah. I don't know if anyone is particularly interested in the school I am attending now, but I am going to briefly explain a normal day of school for me. So I arrive at the school at about 7:45 after a forty-five to sixty minute bus ride starting at around six-thirty. I put my stuff in my locker and then I figure out what I need for World Regional Studies and English. I put the stuff in my bag, and I head on over to homeroom where announcements are fed through the school's ETV. Chaminade has a "control room" so to speak where they can broadcast live announcements to each and every room, seeing as how every room is provided a projector, DVD player, and some fancy little tool that can read signals for a purchased "Channel One" and whatever the cameras in the control room are filming. After announcements are over, we go to our first period class.

World Regional Studies is neat. My teacher's name is Mr. Kay and he's a real nice guy. The classes have, on average, about 35 - 40 kids. It gets crowded and also extremely hot. Like to the point where I want to rip off my hair, or what's left of it after I got my hair cut.

Then, I have English for two periods in a row with a gentleman named Mr. Hoey. He's an okay guy. No complaints. He thinks he's the best though; superior if you will.

Lunch. I meet up with my friend named Lukas near my locker and then we head off to the cafeteria. Each lunch period has four hundred or so kids so it is really crowded. I manage to find a table and meet up with two or three of my friends each day so for all intents and purposes, I am content.

Then I have Algebra with Mr. Fitzgibbon. He reminds me a lot of Mr. Lee except he runs a much tighter ship. If you call out once you get cleanup. Cleanup is when you have to stay after school for ten minutes to clean up the teacher's room. He's not a bad fellow, though.

Then I have Earth Science with Mr. Giordano. He's a funny guy. Makes learning about rocks quite lively.

Then French. See, I took the French I exam to place into French II. I did. But I got the passing grade. A 75%. Yeah. Chaminade's failing grades are 74% and lower. So Mr. Russo-Alessi, the teacher, announced a test on the passe compasse, which I did not learn in middle school. I crammed for a couple nights and I earned a 100% on the test. Sweet nectar I say. Sweet. Nectar.

After French. Religion. Yes! My teacher is Brother Ryszard. Brothers live in the school and teach there as well. He's the best. This man is the best. You have to see him to know what I mean and if I tried to describe him in text, it would come out incorrectly. Meet the man. Now.

Then band.

So that's my day in a nutshell. I will have to stay after for various clubs I have joined of course, but that's pretty much it.

So now that I have all of that out of the way, I get to talk about all the people that are not included in any of the classes in Chaminade. The people I really miss. I don't know if you know this kid. His name is JB. He's the best ever. Like you don't know who he really is until you've known him as long as I have. I think John and I could get together anywhere at any time and we'd have an amazing time sitting there and just talking. And when we're in his new and improved pimped room, it's even better. He sucks at Starcraft, but he's getting the hang of it. My Dragoons with Singularity Charge are a little tired of saving his ass when he’s in a bind all the time though. And Henry! Of course Henry. How do I begin with Henry? I don't know. He's just my man.

I think I need a special paragraph dedicated to Nick because for one reason or another, he wanted one. Even though I describe Nick as being a prepubescent kid who is extremely horny on occasion, I think he's a neat guy. I think we share some tastes in music because it's not uncommon to hear us talking about the new BEST SONG!, and I don't intend on explaining the requirements for the new BEST SONG!, but all I can say is that it has to be real good. Like Voxtrot.

And then there were the people I didn't really think I'd miss all that much to be honest. I miss Holden Goodman. Honestly I was never close to Holden at all, but I miss seeing him 'cause he was a cool guy. And you know what. Speaking of Holden - he was in the lower brass section in band. And I miss that entire section. Rachel was awesome. Shannon was also really cool, and she was also in a lot of my classes.

And of course the people who were in every class with me in eighth grade. Such as Caroline. I think aside from lunch and band/orchestra we sat next to each other in every single class. It was nice seeing Caroline every morning at the lockers, and I guess I took it all for granted because now I have a guy named Cigar on the right of my locker and a munchkin kid Lukas on the left who is also a really great kid. But none of them compare to you, Caroline.

Bobby Finke. I don't think there was a class that wasn't fun when he was in it. The best combination was Bobby verse Mrs. Rogers. Those who were in the class will know that Mrs. Rogers could not stand Bobby fidgeting around, and on the other side, Bobby couldn't stand not fidgeting around. So it made for some interesting lesson disruptions.

Max. Big Max. Max was the kid to raise my spirits. He is quite possibly the most radical kid in North America partly due to his hair.

And of course all my friends that I still see like Sophia, CC, Corinne, Alicia, Matt, Mike (OBJECTION!), Jess, John, Henry, Matt. I think I mentioned John and Henry before but they deserve an honorable mention because we had like all of our classes together and we just chilled in eighth grade.

Just like Jesus is my homeboy, CC is my homegirl. And believe me, I know that once I broached the topic of friends that I missed and started a paragraph about CC, people would start making shit up about me again. So stop being pricks or go accidentally stumble into an electric fence. So as I was saying. Yeah. I really miss having you around in school to pal around with. Computer was an amazing class. But I still see you a lot on the weekends so you haven’t gotten rid of me yet. Sophia is swell too, and I talk to her every night anyway.

I don’t know. I just wrote some random paragraphs about people that came to mind. There are others out there that I don’t like not seeing, but not many. Casey, Avery, Mackenzie all read my blog and are entitled to their own paragraph. This is it. ^_^

Well ladies and gentlemen I have nothing to write about at the moment but I feel like writing more. We'll see where this goes.

I'm supposed to like shop for furniture or something tomorrow to try to match the pimped John's room or the equally pimped John's waterlogged basement. I also aim to pick up a pair of jeans because I have never owned a pair in my life. I feel less American when I say that. At around six or so I think I am supposed to gather with CC and Jess and possibly Sophia? I don't know.

I feel this entry is dragging quite a bit, so I will speak in French.

Je ne suis pas bonne dans la langue de francais. Mais, j’aime pensir qui je suis ca va. Il a plu hier, mais c’est beau. J’adore quand il a plu parce que j’aime bien l'eau. Je ne jemais pas le soleil mais il est tres chaud et je ne l’aime pas. Bof!

Well that’s enough stalling for one post. Night everyone. It’s also fairly late and I think there are dozens of grammatical and spelling errors. Bear with me.

Somebody told me if you live this way
Then it's a long, long haul
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
Oh it's a long, long haul
When you know darkness you can love a day
Oh it's a long, long haul
I've never seen it, I just talk this way
Oh it's a long, long haul

I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay
I wanna catch a love and make it stay

Dyank!

2006-09-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

Start Chaminade soon. Is Patrick happy? Is freshman (frosh) Patrick happy? Who knows?

I had 3C Week these past five days. What the three C's stand for I don't know. I was originally under the impression they were like Christmas, Christianity and Cucumbers or something. One of them is apparently Community, though. 3C Week is a week of orientation for the freshman for the high school I will be attending in less than a week. At this orientation, we had some male bonding, some eating, and some running.

The first couple of days were a little meh. I didn't like the kids in my homeroom because they were either socially retarded or jackasses. For instance: there's a kid named John Brady in my homeroom. The child is very smart but lacks any type of social abilities. From going up in front of the class to explain his love for frozen yogurt to reciting quotes from Starwars to explaining to us that an Archmage is like ten Gandalfs put together to asking to use the lavatory every period to creating a theme song for our homeroom - he did everything he could to advertise his personality deficiency. And, you can only feel bad for the kid when he explains how he is using the cinema tool from Warcraft III to create a video for the morning announcements. I don't make fun of him because he's not an ass and doesn't bother me. I say hi, I try to make short conversation with him, because he will only stop talking when someone literally walks away, and I treat him with respect. So that's the socially retarded part of the homeroom, and then there's the jackass portion, which takes advantage of the kid. They call him Jedi-John (and to be honest, I was thinking of that name for him about a day before another kid said it) and exploit all of his weaknesses constantly. What can you do?

And besides that? Not much. I have yet to meet a kid I would stand to have a conversation with. I was more interested in talking to the seniors there that helped us out because they seemed to have the thing I was looking for: personality. I hope that once classes start and I meet more kids, I'll take all of this back.

Before this orientation started, I wanted to try out for the crew team. Those unfamiliar with crew should know that it's a sport involving about eight (for us) people in a very thin and long boat with oar attachments. We race other schools a certain distance every now and again and we try to win a trophy. Woo! I went to tryouts, and since I was not too hip and happenin' with sports in middle school, I really didn't know what to expect. The first time I got on the ergometer for a 2000 meter race, I got a time of 8:48. That was pretty good because I had never done it before in my life and the coach expected anywhere from like seven to eleven in time. So we'd run for two and a half miles, do cardiovascular exercises for a while, etc. I've had tryouts a handful of times so far and it's real tiring. I don't know if I'ma make the team or anything, but it's worth a shot. I think so anyway.

I went into the city today to see Sweeney Todd on Broadway. What a weird show.

*Spoiler Alert*

The plot is about this man that has a wife and a beautiful daughter. A judge from their town likes the barber's wife and is a pedophile and grows a strong urge to steal his daughter as well. The judge locks away the barber for some false charges. When the barber escapes, he sets up a barbershop and aims to kill the judge with a barber's knife cutting thing. He winds up unnecessarily killing just a load of people.

*Spoiler End*

My family and I then went out for food. Was a nice day.

And now? Who knows? What will freshman Patrick do for the remainder of the evening? I'm thinking Starcraft. Yes.

Trick out.

I almost forgot...

2006-08-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

During Thursday's performance, Geoff's nose started to bleed. After a couple minutes, his entire face was red. His hands were red. There was blood dripping down his legs. It was awesome.

...Then we add gunpowder...

2006-08-05T19:53:00.000-07:00

Albeit it is not finished, this weekend has been quite fun.

Thursday I slept over Mike's house. We went out for food and then went in his pool in the middle of the night. I also worked up the courage to start the Great Bay Temple in Majora's Mask, as well as go through the already beaten Snowhead temple and capture all of the nocuous fairies. I am not an avid fairy-collector, but I put up a good fight against the menacing beasts.

Friday afternoon, I returned back to my own home to shower and play Starcraft: Broodwar. I then went to go work out at about 4:15 PM and arrived at Mike's house at 5:15 PM to pick him up. We returned back to my house and waited for John. A dazzling pizza and strawberry ice cream dinner was served, and then we headed over to Planting Fields to catch a Bela Fleck and the Flecktones concert. The concert was killer. There was a decaying bat on the chair in front of us. A man tried to poison me with M&M's. We also met up with Ryan's friend Henry from high school, who coincidentally parked next to us. I caught up with him after the show and asked if there was a chance I could meet the band. He said they would come out and that they usually do. Urethra! The band came out. I shook all of their hands and hugged Victor Wooten and Jeff Coffin. I asked Victor Wooten what the main thing a bass guitarist should do to improve was. He told me that I have to groove. He said not to improvise and learn cool rifts all of the time because they won't get me anywhere. He said I need to learn to groove and figure out what "groove" means to me. I spoke with him about a few other things and listened to Mr. Wooten share anecdotes and offer advice/insight when necessary. I got autographs from the band, and we left. Henry is a good man.

The next morning I woke up at around 9:00 AM to get ready for the Warped Tour. Sophia had an extra ticket and asked if I want to join. How could I refuse? All in all, it was an eventful, yet hot, day. The dirty scoundrels were charging four dollars for bottles of water. I saw Thursday live, which was incredible, and I got to "crowd-surf" for a little while. I also saw HORSE the Band and got a Cutsman tee-shirt of theirs. Among all of the independent bands there, was a band called Sputniks Down. I listened to their stuff and loved it. I chatted with them at the end of their show and was able to get all of their signatures on their new CD. These guys are from Long Island. I implore you to check out their website and perhaps buy their album. They are all very nice guys and were pleased as punch to talk to me about anything and everything after the show. Sputnicks Down.

I got home from the Warped Tour and after a short while, I headed over to John's to hang out. He got a new phone, ironically identical to mine, and we made smoothies. I don't know if I mentioned John's smoothies in previous posts, but some are abysmal, while some are excellent. I would rate the banana smoothies we had a six out of ten. I thought they were lacking.

It's 11:06 PM and I think I am going to play some Starcraft: Broodwar. Enjoy the summer. And don't forget to visit Sputnicks Down's website.

http://www.sputniksdown.com

This one goes out to the friends I never had:

2006-07-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hi folks.

It's one zero seven AM and I just finished some California Rolls about a half hour ago. I just read some of Smartbomb, an excellent book about "The Quest for Art, Entertainment, and Big Bucks in the Videogame Revolution."

I hope everybody had a happy and safe Fourth of July. I worked that night.

Today, I went to work at about eleven in the morning. Minutes later, I discovered I was not needed, so, I was able to head home and relax for a bit. I went to go work out with my father because I had the day off. Afterwards, I got home and had some steak. Then, I showered again. Post-shower, I walked over to Corinne's house - for she was having a party.

On Tuesday I go on a nine-day cruise to many islands down south. You'd think I would be looking forward to this, right? Me too. Oh, what a foolish boy. Not everyone has the chance to go on a cruise! To be perfectly honest - I would rather spend the time with my brother, or my friends. I will have to try the best I can to have a good time. I plan on reading the above-mentioned Smartbomb, the Da Vinci Code, and playing some DS Lite games. Maybe I will tend to Dr. Zeus to remind myself of CC who always puts a smile on my face.

This cruise could be a lot of fun, or a waste of time. I will be going on the cruise with my parents, my aunt and uncle, and two of my grandparents. Mind you, my uncle and my grandfather are alcoholics. Many fights will be started between my grandfather and the other people on the boat. Many fights will be started between my uncle and other people on the boat. My brother will not be joining us because he will be at school. That's perfectly understandable. I wish I wasn't alone on this cruise. For nine days? This will surely be a waste.

These nine days should be spent enjoying myself, right? Without a doubt - the summer days should be approached with a smile, with an open mind. These days I find it hard. And no. In no way is my life miserable. I have a family that loves me, an older brother who is there to guide me, and friends that are kickass.

If you haven't already heard me bitching about it, I will be attending a different high school next year. All boys. Good education. Very strict. I s'pose this all good. I hear the school makes fine gentlemen out of young men. I am all for turning into a gentleman. I am not for losing my friends and the people I like.

I have never had the best things to say about most people in my school. Either I liked them, or I didn't. Simple. More often than not, I didn't care. Sometimes, I didn't care enough to hate or like someone. The few people I really do care about, I will miss. A lot. And I find it so strange that this shit is finally hitting me. I could be losing some great people in my life.

The people that come to this site to read what I have to say are really the only people I will miss. Of course, my brother and some of his friends come to this site, but they are always there to talk to when I need them. They aren't going anywhere.

I was never a popular guy. It wasn't until eighth grade when I finally lost about fifty pounds, worked out a bit, and got into some sort of shape. I had a few close friends who actually stuck with me and didn't completely abandon me. I apologize for all of the shit that I gave anyone. Whether it be Bradly Levitt, or Henry, or Nick. I know I gave you a hard time. I was a bastard. I didn't bully you, but I just wasn't nice most of the time and I apologize.

My middle school career was a learning experience on so many different levels. Not through academics. Of course not through academics. But through learning how people work. Learning to socialize. I learned what type of person I liked, and the opposite. I learned that I really don't like the type of person that gets involved with everything and creates rumors about unnecessary things. I learned that I like the type of person who would stand up for something they thought was right or appropriate. I was perfectly fine being the fat kid who sat down by the food at the school dances. I didn't mind.

But now, this is all meaningless. I got what was needed out of middle school. My grades were always high. I had friends. I wasn't picked on. I had a mother and a father to talk to when I got home. I had a warm meal every night. I was tucked in, or kissed good night every night. I was woken up with a smile every morning. I was sent off to school with a cheerful good bye every morning.

I've discovered there is more to life than just school. I can no longer have a mind-set that there is one best of anything. I shouldn't only like one game. I shouldn't hate a style of music because I am not a fan of the genre. I shouldn't not listen to music that is a specific genre, just because it is that certain genre. I've learned that you need to be open-minded. Sometimes, you need to take risks. I've learned you have to know who your friends are.

Mike, John, Henry, Nick, and Matt were pretty much the guys I hung out with. We played games. Joked around. Jumped on trampolines. We even had our "toy gun" phase. Oh boy. That was fun. We were looking for a good time. Halo. Halo II. Mario Kart. Did you get your DS? Man. This game is sick. You have to get it. You know what November 9th is, don't you? I enjoy video games.

Alicia, CC, Corinne, and Sophia and I have pretty much been friends for a while. It wasn't until the end of this year that I realized I really will miss you guys. Alicia was always in my religion classes, which were always fun. Corinne was there to survive French with Mrs. Bressel. Sophia and I originally had a relationship revolving around many arguments. As we got older, or matured?, we didn't fight so much. We were there to help each other with problems. I really do appreciate you not forgetting about me whenever I was an ass to you. CC, I really never had any classes with, excluding some in sixth grade.

I was always friends with CC, but it wasn't until the end of this year when I really go to know you. You're my best friend. I have no control over whether or not you feel the same way, but still. I will miss you so much these next four years - you have no idea. Please. Do all you can to not forget about me. We must hang out regularly to make things K because I think I am falling in love with you.

Jessica. God knows when I befriended Jess. I do know that Jess had to deal with some deep shit these past couple of months. A whole lot of us were there for you. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about all of it where everyone could read it. Just hang in there and it'll all be fine. I'm here if you need me.

I always had an idea to have a "last day of school post" where I would say something nostalgic about all of my friends, or say something full of confidence and wisdom. Well, that's not happening. I have nothing more to say, other than thank you for being there. Of course I am still of a young age, but looking back on all of those times, I can say I took all of you for granted.

Whether you are a close friend of mine, just a friend, TheScot, Phaded, etc., just know that this all needed to be said in one way or another. If you laugh at me for having to say things that have emotion, fuck you. If you appreciate what I have said and the emotion that goes along with it, I respect you. Of course, I imagine more has to be said to certain people about certain things. But a post can only be so lengthy without boring readers completely to death. Seeing as how I have probably already exceeded that limit, I better end this post soon.

I wrote this post after having read CC's post about the Fourth of July. I felt I needed to post, too. I also felt that a long post about many different topics was appropriate, especially since I will be going away soon. Soak in all of this post, and I will talk to you guys when I get back.

KOLLAGE

2006-06-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

Glorious!

CC gave me a DK64 (Donkey Kong Sixty Four) collage. How kickin' is that? I dub this collage the... Kollage.

" er ok i really didnt read most of it, nor do i care anymore about any of this blog crap. i have better things to do.
.so dont expect me to write anymore or read anyone else’s
=P
- nick"

If you have better things to do, why read my blog? Correction: Why attempt to read my blog? You did say you skipped most of it, and seeing as how your blog isn't full of grammar and correct English, maybe the purchasing of a leathered dictionary should fall under your list of better things to do. Just a suggestion.

So yeah. After computer today, CC and I roamed the halls like ne'er-do-wells. On my way to the social studies review, we created CC's official logo. She signed her logo on all of the sixth grade lockers that were wrapped from someone's birthday.

I figured I'd try to finish the review quickly, so I didn't completely abandon my ne’er-do-well friend, but nay! CC visited me, bearing the one and only DK Collage. Victory!

Tomorrow is Silly Symphony. This year, I will be switching instruments with Corinne. I will try the flute, and Corinne will try the tuba. I always thought the flute to be a feminine instrument, but don't get me wrong. No instruments are for a specific sex or anything. I mean, if someone as masculine as Corinne can play the flute, I'm sure I can. I play the tuba pretty well, not trying to toot my own horn or anything (that was bad.) I am hoping that my luck with the tuba will continue with my attempting the flute.

Brother also comes home tomorrow. Righteous.

Anyway, I felt the need to express my triumphant affections for the Kollage, as well to post my reply to Nick's generous comment. I don't like to comment on my own blog, so a post was in order.

EVERYBODY - TO THE ASTRO LOUNGE!

Learning to love her lazy eye.

2006-06-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

I don't know who Mario is.

I had a Chami-Test today. It was French. I don't think I did very well on it, seeing as how I never learned a lot of the vocab . Oh, well. It is what it is.

So yeah, test today. We carpooled with Rob McGrane, which was okay. We finished early, so we had time to go to Sam Ash and check out some six string basses that I have been looking to get. They were oh-so nice.

Three weeks left of my current school district, and I'm gone. That's unfortunate.

New Super Mario Bros. is fun. "Pure concentrated fun."

John makes awful peanut butter-ice cream-chocolate milk smoothie mixes. Our stomachs hurt.

I can't play poker with Luigi as the dealer.

God damnit I can't whack a mole.

There's this one song that John's stereo loves to play over and over even when there are no discs present.

I wouldn't have lost two dollars if I had waited eighteen more seconds.

Brother comes home Tuesday.

I am missing Relay For Life this year because of another Chami-Test. That's unfortunate.

Mike, John, and I are going to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones on August 4th. Splendid.

I had breakfast for dinner at John's.

Mike can apparently open and close his trampoline.

Speaking of, Mike is having his Confirmation party soon. That will be fun.

Why do I love Picking Up Pieces?

Isn't there a boat trip coming up in the next few weeks for our school?

Going on a cruise soon.

Ben Folds gets me through the day.

Anne Frank is... a strange young girl. Read page one hundred and thirty to see why.

I'm going to miss my friends next year. It's been on my mind.

We walked through Brooklyn on Thursday. It was fun. Spilling deli condiments on my pants was even better.

Ever stop and wonder that people make their own problems?

Cinnamon toast is delicious.

Watched 8 Mile the other day. Meh? I prefer the DK Rap.

Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells
Grapes, melons, oranges, and coconut shells.

How pleasant would it be to sunbathe on DK Island?

Toad Fat Pro.

2006-05-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

It's hot. Why is the sun hating me?

We had a parade today. It wasn't fun. It was boiling. Carrying a Sousaphone didn't help either. It was cool (not in temperature) 'cause I got to chill (also not in temperature) with CC and Mike. We've established that CC is a Hentai-Babe even though she doesn't know what it is. Toad Fat Pro.

Playing our instruments in the halls was fun. It echoed like a bat. Two bats; maybe even three. Sadly, my instrument was so massive that it hit the ceiling whenever the ceiling.. came down? I don't know how to explain it. Separating each hallway is like a little station that has an overhang sort of thing going on. Well yeah - I would hit that and my mouth would slam into the mouthpiece. Eventually, CC would say "Duck!" and after I realized that it wasn't the furry beaked creature she was referring to, I quickly ducked down, out of harms way. Toad Fat Pro.

After the parade, we were in the bus chillin' like villains. The bus came to a stop, and Mike spilt his water all over him and fell down into the aisle. It was funny. Mike, CC, and I also started singing "Toad Fat Pro."* It became catchy. Toad Fat Pro.

So I have some "work" to do before my dad picks me up to go to my grandparent's house. I do have work, but we all know I am going to milk this and try to not attend the shindig at their house. It is a BBQ, but whatever. There's something about the seventy-year-old buns that my grandfather has that freaks me out. The hotdog buns are also rather unappetizing. The snuggles work well, though. Snuggles? Don't know what they are? Well, ask Mike. He had them at his house. They replace hotdog buns. Toad Fat Pro.

Well. I'm out. Toad Fat Pro.

*Toad Fat Pro was a term used by Mike's sister, Katie. She was playing Mario Party Advance on her GBA while I playing Resident Evil Four, and Mike was playing New Super Mario Bros.! When a foolish toad apparently pissed the hell out of her. She yelled: Toad Fat Pro! Whenever she says it, it's like an orchestra in my heart.

And then we all bought yachts.

2006-05-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

I <3 Ben Folds. I don't <81 Ben Folds, however. I don't <81 many people. Only some.

There was a fight to go down today between Andrew and Christian (I think his name is?) I think it's kind of funny how I didn't know who Christian was until today when I heard he was going to beat the silver marbles out of Andrew. Adam Farr was a good person though, by giving Mrs. Tuffel a heads up about the street battle to take place. I was a little bit disappointed in hearing that there was no battle of fisticuffs. It's bogus.

Marching band. I march march march, with the Bremen Mask of course. Who wouldn't? Riddle me that. So I've got a Sousaphone to engulf my body, which probably weighs the same as my aunt's massive buttock region. It's not that heavy, but it sort of feels uncomfortable when my rib cage is being crushed. I can deal with it, however. I just pretend I am wearing the Bremen Mask and I whistle the Katamari March Theme.

My brother called today from France. We had some pleasant conversations about nothing too swell. It's nice to talk to him, again. I really haven't spoken to him in weeks. I miss him, a lot. I still think that him leaving was for the better. I mean, he is in college, which is a great thing for him, even though he probably won't ever get a job. But also the fact that I have learned to not be so dependent on him. In a way, I've almost forgot about him. I don't ever say to myself, "Well, Ryan can back me up," or, "I can always ask Ryan." Having to do things for yourself is rewarding. And it's not like I constantly went to him for everything when he was around. Of course, I was younger when he was in high-school so he was like a second fatherly figure. I'm rambling. Where's my Bremen Mask?

Speaking of fatherly figures! I seem to have lost contact with two close homeboys of mine. TheScot and Phaded001. Those guys are sort of like crazy pirates, but without the stump-for-a-foot and patch-eye. They do have boats with a skull and crossbones flag, however. I think TheScot is in West Virginia? I think Phaded001 is ignoring me. Whatever. Did I scare them away?

Here's something interesting. Songs in 3/4 kick ass. 4/4 is really nice, and most songs are in 4/4. But 3/4 just kicks ass. It just does. I <27 it. Not quite <81, however.

And Guster just came on. It feels like I am going in circles. Guster always reminds me of my brother. Usually, the day before he leaves for college, he showers and doesn't put on much clothing. I'm thinking like boxers and a tee shirt? He then plays Guster and other songs to make my mother cry. As my mom usually says "I want my birds in the nest." Ryan being an enormous bird, and our residence being the nest.

Time for Patrick to do some work. Finals are coming up, as well as Chami-Tests.

Navi:
HEY, LISTEN!

Tsunami.

2006-05-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hello all. How is everyone doing?

I have not been doing too much as of late, except for listening to Ben Folds. I learned that Weird Al Yankovic sang back up vocals in the song "Time" by Mr. Folds.

Mike, John, and Henry spent the night on Friday. It certainly was not an eventful evening. We played Mario Party 4 for four (trying saying that: 4 for four) hours and watched a movie about an evil Tiki Monster made of rock that chased people. At some points in the movie, Tiki (as I like to call him... we're tight) changed from a bear/koala/lion thing to a floating head. "Larry, Paul? This is Tiki speaking..."

"Mario Party 4 for four" hours was a lot of fun. We played a map that had an entrepreneur Koopa that stole everyone's coins, as they were about to buy a star. Every few turns, the hotel he spent everyone's money on would be destroyed by a colossal wave that would destroy everything. The Koopa wasn't upset because he knew he could just steal more money from everyone who passed by.

We had our concert the other night. It was pretty cool (radinacan, illchill.) Funny thing about the Tuba I used: the mouthpiece I use for school was too small for the Tuba, so whenever I would blow into the mouthpiece, saliva from myself or whoever had used it last would spit back up through the "mouthpiece holder" thing that looks like a snake and spray my eye. I mean, I'm glad Tiki didn't use it last because having fiery magma (oh yeah, Tiki is made up of magma if I didn't tell you) in my eyes would make reading music a little harder. But honestly, the water that coated my face was black. That's pretty disgusting. It was the colour (that one was for you, CC) of dumpster juice.

Since this school year is ending, I have been thinking about next year's school year. It'll be tough. I won't see my friends everyday and all of that. My plan is to keep in touch with everyone who wants to keep in touch with me. The next "4 for four" years of high school will be something completely new for me. Not only will I be attending a Catholic Highschool, but also it will be an all boy school. Oh yeah. And Joe Dalli is going to be there. I'm psyched. It just dawned on me. He’s male.

When "smarter people" have dumb moments, they are still smarter than when dumb people have "bright moments." - Myself

Sophia and I were discussing what life would be like if we were stupid. Having a conversation like that may seem to some people that I think I'm insanely smart. Incorrect. I'm pretty stupid at times. So stupid that I have hit Ctrl+P about four times while writing this post. I just know that I am not dumb. I have some sense. Anyway. Maybe. I. Will. Stop. Writing. Such. Short. Sentences. Sophia asked me to put that quote into one of my posts.

Speaking of stupidity, some people are just exhausting, not fun to be around, incoherent, looking like a Tiki Monster, etc. To be "quiet frank" (silent Franklin), I classify those people as "Flying Leeches." Leeches: because they suck blood. Flying: because they have wings. It's a fact, folks. Look it up.

Well, anyway. I have some work ahead of me. Enough work to take up "4 for four" hours. See you around. Except for the Flying Leeches.

Dr. R strikes again: Corinne loses a tooth!

2006-05-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

At about six PM or so, I went to Mike's house. Welcoming me was a slice of Alamo pizza, which, ironically, I ate on the way to Ralph's Pizzeria. There, Mike and I met up with Nick, CC, and Corinne. We exchanged laughs, bagged about Nick having no muscles in his arms, and Corinne lost a tooth. After that, we traveled over to the fair.

Before entering the parking lot which held all of the rides and activities, we chatted with our local ice cream man; Lucky. Apparently he isn't such a lucky guy. He had gotten into a car accident and has a lot of back problems because of it. He also told us a story about one of his customers growing a brain tumor. Then he talked about how if we don't do well in school, we'll grow up to sell ice cream for a living. I felt really bad for the man, but I make a point to talk to him whenever I can because he gives me ice cream, and puts a smile on my face. I cannot help but smile when I am talking to a man named Lucky driving and ice cream truck.

After learning that I had been bleeding internally due to the ride: THE SIZZLER, Alicia met up with us. The night was spent walking around and just hanging out. It was a nice way to end the evening. I enjoyed myself.

Tomorrow morning I have an audition at Chaminade with my tuba. This audition is for placement in the various bands. I have my solo down perfectly, and all of my scales are fine. I don't think I will have a problem.

Tomorrow afternoon is also Eric's confirmation party. CC, Sophia, and Nick will be going, so it's going to be fun. I am looking forward to it.

Okay. I am going to head out. Good night.

Everything went numb.

2006-04-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Thursday evening. I'm going to go to jazz band in a few. Spending the night at Mike's tomorrow. I have relatively no work tonight. But for some reason I am not so happy. I guess it's just one of those weird days.

I'm really not in the best of moods to make an entry about anything. I just had nothing to do, so I decided to post. G'night guys. Sleep well.

"so tell me: how long do you think you can go before you lose it all?
before they call you bluff and watch you fall?
i don't know but i'd like to think i had control
at some point but i let it go and lost my soul
sit tight but the revolution's years away
i'm losing faith and i'm running low on things to say
so i guess i have no choice but to regurgitate
the tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite
oh! to have died that night i realized it wouldn't last!
our days were numbered and the reaper tipped the hourglass
the final mayday of our sinking ship had come and passed
oh! to the west, you don't know what it is you're running from
and everybody's laughing loud
your last chance to make your mother and father proud."

...Just don't put up with bullshit.

2006-04-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

How is everyone's vacation going so far?

I woke up at about 11:30 to a ringing phone. I picked it up, and then the person on the other end hung up. Typical. I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to go on the computer and check up on how things were going in the entertainment world. Then I got hungry…

Just five or so minutes ago I decided I would get food. I went into the pantry to get cereal, and then I went into the fridge to get milk. I poured the milk first, not something I usually do, and then the cereal. When I was done, I closed the cereal box, picked it up, and walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and then said, "I'm such an idiot." I put the cereal box down and got the milk, and walked into the pantry and said "God, I'm an idiot." I finally put both the milk and the cereal in their preferred homes, and picked up the bowl of milk and walk about two steps and I spilt a long narrow streak of milk across the floor. "Jesus Christ!" I get a single paper towel to clean it up, and then I realized the stupidity in reaching for one paper towel, so I got a regular towel and cleaned it up. After the whole scenario, I said, "I have to blog this." I decided to blog this mostly because I haven't posted anything with substance in a while.

John got his new dog yesterday. I think they said it was a "Chocolate Lab." They named it Cody. I suggested naming it Nestle because they wanted something to do with Chocolate. They also shot down Hershey. I also suggested naming it Damnit. How cool would that be?

"Come here, Damnit!"

I don't have much more to say, but it's not like I would because I've only stepped out of the house like twice this whole vacation. I've got my instruments, music, computer, Gamecube, and pretty soon, a refrigerator full of leftovers from Easter. I could stay inside for years. (Or, until next Easter.)

Happy Easter and Passover.

Starless heaven.

2006-03-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

Hey folks. Nick’s blog is up and running: http://bogsareblogsareblogs.blogspot.com/
Spread the word.

My brother left for France on Friday, which is pretty cool. The day before he left, he picked me up from school and we went straight to the mall. There, we met up with Andrew (phaded 001.) That guy is a straight-up cool cat. No doubt about it.

Even though I had the math fair to prepare for, as well as the Moot Trial event, I completely disregarded it and journeyed deeper into the societal grotto we call the mall.

Our first stop was EB. There, Andrew picked up his copy of Tetris DS and placed a pre-order on a 300 page review guide for Kingdom Hearts II. Then, we went to a movie store that was closing for good. I pillaged an anime poster, after going through and breaking many plactic rods, which made my day. After that, we went to Babbages, just to poke around. Surprised, I found a used copy of GunValkeryie that I had wanted to get ever since Scot (thescot) told me about it. He said I have to beat it by the time Ryan gets back. I believe I will.

Our last stop was a Sam Goody, which was in fact closing for good as well. I noticed signs that were hung up saying "ENTIRE STORE ON SALE!" Andrew told me to ask what the entire store was selling for. I did. After I asked, the gentleman behind the counter told me to ask another employee working there at the time. I went up to her and told her I was directed to her to answer my question. I asked 'how much for the entire store,' and pointed to the sign. She smiled and said it wasn't for sale. I told her to change the signs and I walked away.

Math fair was Friday. Even though I spent Thursday lurking around the mall, I did pretty well at the fair. Well enough to get into the next round, at least. Sadly, John did not get accepted to the second round. Sophia, Alexandra, Rob and myself will be competing at the end of April and hopefully coming home with an abundance of silver and gold medals to hang around our necks.

Last night, I was playing Metroid Prime: Hunters with John across Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection. I must say it’s a rad game. I had my doubts at first, and even though your hand hurts every now and then, this is the best FPS I have seen on a handheld. Tetris DS is also an incredibly addictive game. My highest line clear is 770, which I just made a few hours ago. I have yet to buy a DS game that disappointed me. That’s saying a lot, too. Super Mario 64DS, Wario Ware: Touched!, Nintendogs, Animal Crossing, Mario Kart DS, Metroid Prime: Hunters, Tetris DS, etc are all amazing games. RAWR, I <3 Nintendo.

Alright. I have work to do. Farewell.

I apologize for...

2006-03-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the random font changes. I don't think the computer likes me using it all that much.

I'll never forget the look that was in her eye.

2006-03-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

It's the music that we choose.

Hey folks. It's been quite some time since the last entry.

"I took the COOPs today. No, I would not like to tell you what I thought of them." Actually, I still don't. All I have to tell you is that I owned them.

Not a whole lot has happened since the last entry (probably a lot of sitting around, playing bass.) I have done one thing productive with my time, and that was making a new friend. Keep your head up.

Even cooler, is my discovery that people do in fact read my blog. Anonymous said "i havent read english yet bc your blog is addicting." It's true; I forget English and read my blog all the time.

For the readers who have been around for a while, you may remember my idea for getting a guitar. Well, I did a few months ago. It's cool. I enjoy it. Nothing like Guitar Hero, however. (That one was for you, Casey.) As much as I love the guitar, I have a special place in my heart for the bass. When I play the bass, I feel I can express myself and extend myself in so many different ways.

On the topic of music. The “band” that Nick, Mike, Anthony, and I had is now done. I don’t know if anyone knows, but our ‘band’ was not in fact a band. Nick’s guitar teacher (who spends our lesson time eating tacos in front of Anthony’s house) proposed the idea to Nick of group lessons. Great. Cool. I’m there. Right? Charlie was an ass. He broke my bass strings twice, and broke Mike’s guitar. That’s all I have to say about him. The closest thing to a band I ever had, was with Mike. Cult favorites such as “Soft Ice Cream” (created by Patrick) and “The Rant Song” (created by both Mike and Patrick, Paike) were big hits. Let’s not forget the cover of Stacy’s Mom, entitled “Henry’s Car.”

Brother comes home from college in a few days, which will be cool. I still have a lot of games to catch up on, so I am not looking forward to him dumping large quantities of PS2 games for me to beat. But hey. The way I see it, if there is always another good game for me to play after my current one, I'm happy.

Alright, I guess I am a little rusty at the entries. This one clocked in kind of short. Whatever. I'll update more often. Oh yeah, and feel free to leave comments. Because I know the only reason I don't get any is because you all felt you needed my permission. Now you have it. I'm expecting lots of comments next time. Don't let me down.

Original fan base: One handful
Current fan base: Two handfuls

It's been a while.

2006-01-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Why hallo there. It's been a while.

For those few readers out there, I apologize for the lack of posts. You can thank a healthy mixture of busy and lazy for that.

This is an exciting week for me. Tuesday and Wednesday, we have state tests. I worried about them, but after taking one of the two today, I won't anymore. Wednesday I also get my braces off. I started all of my orthodontic treatment in 1st grade, so I think I deserve to get them off now, especially since my orthodontist had said to me, "They're coming off!," when I had another year or so to go. I recall him telling me some time before last Christmas that they would be off by Christmas. So, now that another Christmas has passed, we can say he was only off by about one year. Mind you, that one year was not in my favor.

The biggest thing this week is the results of the COOP I took a while back. The COOP was a test that was all about math and english. Depending on how well you did, you would get accepted from various Catholic high schools that you applied to. I remember feeling miserable walking out of the testing room, so let's hope we get good results.

Another thing that's not so big, but eats up a lot of my time, is Animal Crossing for DS. I bought the game originally, hoping to love it. I didn't. Then, when my brother had spent a lot of time with it over the break when he was home, and when I had slept over John's house with Bobby, Henry, John, and Mike all salivating about going to each others' towns, I figured I'd give it one more shot. And hey, I liked it. So much that I have been playing it everyday since. It's sickening how a virtual life (which is what Animal Crossing is) is so addictive that it takes away time from my real life. Something is wrong here. Damn you, Nintendo, for making addictive games. Damn you.

So, this whole week is kind of important, state tests aside, because I won't be in the school I am next year, and the state tests are more of a report card for the school. The braces coming off are big thing, of course, because it's elongated scraps of metal attached to my teeth via an adhesive glue coming off. I mean, who doesn't want that? Results of the COOP are most important this week. I pray that I did well. A lot of people say "Don't worry about it, you did great," but I don't know about that. We'll see later this week.

Okay, no homework tonight, so I think I am gonna just relax. Play the bass, perhaps. Who knows? Animal Crossing is on right now, so I'll probably get back to that. And Mike said he wanted to check out the “bachelor pad” in my house. I've got a Master Sword, Triforce, Arwing, Arcade Machine, Widescreen TV, Pool Table, Ninja Sword, Bow and Arrow, Super Mario Bros. Coin, and more! Mike said he would get me some cool stuff to add. Well, I'm out. For everyone that has to take them with me, good luck on the state tests tomorrow.

Get the Great Fairy's Sword, Ryan.

2005-12-28T10:14:00.000-08:00

Hey folks. Haven't really updated this in a while. Whatever.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, although it has passed. I'd also like to announce my constant consumption of San Pellegrino, the "Sparkling Natural Mineral Water," over this break. Mind you, this is Selzter in a glass bottle ridiculously over priced.

A few days ago I set out for Best Buy with my brother to see some of his friends, Andrew and Scot. We met up with them, as well as Scot's little brother Steve (aka. RunningInCircl3s, MisplacedHead, ikiledadedperson, my homie.) Then to Toys R' Us we went. Then to Target we went. Then to Wal-Mart we went. Then to another Target we went. Then to IHop we went. And then everyone went back to our house where my brother Ryan finally beat Majora's Mask. The highlight, for me, of this evening was the ending of the game, which was a reenactment of Shigeru Miyamoto's "Acid Trip #4", as well as the Bremen Mask. The Bremen Mask enables you to march around with your ocarina as if you were in a parade. The remaining question, however, was "where did the percussion section come from?"

Samurai Western deserves an honorable mention in this post, too. This is a whacky PS2 game we were able to get for ten dollars. This game offers the most customization for manual placement of your "Badguy Hat." In addition to the already remarkable feature, you can adjust the scale of all of your items. So, your hat can be as big as chair if you pleased.

Spent the night at Mike's house last night. It was fun. We played Super Mario Strikers, and performed the "The Rant Song" for Matt. In thanks, Matt turned our printed lyrics into "Ancient Artifact Paper," that someone will pick up in thousands of years and say "Now we know the names of all the people in the 1800's." To top the night off, we watched The Longest Yard, which quite possibly might be the worst movie I've seen this year. I've seen enough Adam Sandler movies where he plays the smartass/dumbass that always wins out in the end, thank you very much.

Well, it's currently 1:31 PM. I don't feel like wasting the day away, but that's probably what is likely to happen. So yeah. Enjoy what is left of your vacation.

I've come to the conclusion...

2005-12-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that virtually no one visits my blog. Hrm. I am not upset. However, I am upset that all of my Snapple has depleted.

"Lights out... ten o’clock?"

2005-12-04T13:07:00.000-08:00

Hell no, I won't let them take you.

Hi, boys and girls. A few nights ago I spent the night at Nick's with Mike and Matt. It was mighty fun. We played Dead or Alive III pretty much the whole night. Not much was memorable about the night, just the fact that we all laughed so hard - to the extent where my bladder started to hurt me the next morning. (Maybe Nick's mother's ideas about how Google and the porn industry are working together to infect her computer is memorable...)

I am currently working on my personal narrative project for English. My topic is when I went to Canada and some other stuff happened. Since pretty much nothing happened, I have elaborated on everything.

"As soon as I stepped off the bus, a calming sensation surrounded my body, due to the tranquil innocence of the peninsula’s population. There were fishermen fishing with their sons, nonchalant gift shops that sold keepsake mementos, a man with a guitar who played melodic harmonies for the hopes of an exchange of funds for a song or two from passersby, and an artist who meticulously duplicated the immediate surroundings onto fine paper."

Yeah, that never happened.

Every now and again, I listen to Say Anything, and I get depressed for no reason. It really just... stops making me feel good. But, there are times when I listen to Say Anything, and I just love it. And by love, I mean that is the only thing I listen to for days. Max Bemis, who is behind Say Anything, is really just an amazing musician. Some of his lyrics are hard to understand, but maybe this is so because I am not old enough to understand it. Nonetheless, '...Is A Real Boy' is my favorite album ever; ever, ever, ever. In a close second comes 'Full Collapse' by Thursday. When I listen to these two albums (and System of a Down's 'Toxicity' for some strange reason), I can't skip any of the tracks. None of them are bad. It's not that I can connect to each and every song, but it's that the songs make sense. For example, Admit It!!!, is a song that's more or less a rant about everything that goes on in the world. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I do not think that '...Is A Real Boy' can be topped.

I think my font is changing on me... Anyway, with all of that said, I am going to go finish my English project. I think I'll advance upon how the pack of seagulls took me to their nest to party all night.

See yah.

What kind of deals do you have for the King and his Prodigy?

2005-11-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

Hey, I'm actually going to make this one quick, because I am tired and I have work to do. Seeing as how there hasn't been an entry in a little while, I felt I should do something to fix that.

My brother came home over the Thanksgiving break with one of his roommates, Nate. It was really nice to see both of them. Nate is a cool guy. I think my favorite part of their stay was when we went out to hunt for 'crazy deals' on Black Friday, and when we sang along to the original Pokémon album that I am sure no one has ever heard of.

This week is going to be quite easy, seeing as there are only projects to take care of. I don't think they will be too bad, though. Friday, I have tentative plans to spend the night at Nick's house with Mike and Matt. I am going to rent Double Dash again for some Mario Kart fun.

I miss my brother, even though he'll be coming back next week. It'll be nice to see him, again. Maybe this time we can go to Quiznos...

Last thing: I finally beat Chrono Trigger over the break. I took a small break some time ago, but I picked it back up. In the end, I finished it in about twenty-four hours. Great game, I strongly recommend it. If you have the chance, play it. So, to continue my "Square Enix-SNES-RPG-playing” spree, I started Final Fantasy VI. At glance, it looks so similar to Chrono Trigger, but it really isn't. There is a completely different feel in the two games. And I am glad there's a difference so I can like each one for different reasons. So far, I am enjoying myself immensely.

Ok, one more thing: I also picked up Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney for the DS. It's a very 'strange' game. By strange, I mean not your typical game. This game involves reading walls of texts, one after another. Which is fine, if you are up to it. I am, and I love it so far. The game utilizes the touch screen for going through menus/evidence/questions, and the microphone is used to object on witness's testimonies. It doesn't work that well, but I am glad to see that the mic. was implemented into the game one way or another. If you don’t feel like yelling “HOLD IT!” into the microphone, you can just gently press a button on the touch screen. “Take that”, Sony. I'd like to see a lawyer game on your PSP that isn't emulated. Oh, score!

I have French homework to do, so I must be off right about now. I really wanted this post to be quick and easy, but it turned out to be a nicely sized entry.
Night.

Oh, please.

2005-11-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

SOFT ICE CREAM, VERSION TWO IS COMPLETE FOLKS!
(Not that any of you really know what I am talking about.)

I slept over Mike's the other day, and I must say - we know how to have fun. Between getting into a fight with and locking his aunt out of the basement and playing Streetfighter: Third Strike and the occasional Halo II, I can say that the way we spend our time is unique, to say the least.

Amidst all of the yelling, cursing and competitiveness of all of the games/aunt beating, (just kidding, of course) I worked on Fruity Loops and made a song. I did not know what to call it, so Mike suggested Soft Ice Cream because it was a calming song, and I guess ice cream soothes his wounds. Instead of random beats thrown together, like the previous songs I have made, this song is more or less a piano piece. I really like it, and if you want to hear it, talk to me on AIM. I'm KingKrastle, by the way.

Mario Kart DS comes out on Monday, and I plan on picking that up. Mario Kart has always been one of my favorite series. Excluding the Super NES and GBA versions, which I thought to be a little on the stale side, I can say that I have loved and played all of them for hours upon hours. Just recently, I slept over Nick's house with Mike and played Mario Kart: Double Dash!! for the Gamecube for an entire night. A whole night of Mario Kart is like a night with an endless bowl of Popcorn Chicken from KFC. I know what you're thinking, and my answer is "Yes, it's that good."

I've been thinking about getting an electric guitar from quite some time now. I currently play the bass guitar and the tuba, and would like the pick up the guitar because all of the instruments I play are really "background" stuff. For once, I would like to be able to pick up an instrument and just spit out a solo. And maybe I am getting into this way too fast, but the way I see it, I can work really hard and become a decent player on my own, without a teacher. But, we'll see how that works out. I'm usually wrong.

This is the second year that my brother is in college. The first year was really hard on me because I missed him so much. Ryan is kind of like a "second father", which may sound weird, but we are six years apart, and at this point of our lives, it's a big difference. This year is not so bad. I have gotten used to being the only child in the house and God damnit iTunes is on repeat and this is the fourth time I have listened to Yellow Cat (Slash) Red Cat by Say Anything. Hold on a second. I have gotten used to being the only child in the house. But, there are times when it is lonely and I think about the times when I was little, like when Ryan would pretend I was Megaman and he was Zero, and we would put the plastic cups from the kitchen over our hands to pretend they were the "blaster." And then the other times when I would wake up really early (7:00 AM) and run into Ryan's room to wake him up so I could watch him play a video game. I distinctly remember him playing Banjo Kazooie, and I remember every bit of it. That is probably one of the reasons I love that game so much. And I also distinctly remember the time when he turned on the N64, and the Banjo Kazooie data wouldn't load, and we thought it got erased somehow. I remember I was devastated that night. My whole world was spent admiring my older brother, and watching VHS after VHS in the cabinet we had. And then when I got into the Pokemon Trading Card Game - I was on my own. Ryan was not "in to" the cards, and I felt so confused about how to trade/collect/purchase the correct cards. That is probably one of the reasons why I don't ever like to trade or sell anything - because I always liked to have Ryan's approval on everything, and when I couldn't get it, I just kept it or forgot about it. And then when I wanted to E-Mail someone on AOL, I asked Ryan how. He said "put their name, and then @, and then AOL.com." I tried to send the E-Mail, but it never went through. It wasn't until I asked Ryan to help me with it when I realized "@" wasn't "at." There are so many instances that I look back on when I miss him. He was always there for me, and even when he didn't think what he did mattered, it did. A lot.

Now that he is "gone", I bother some of his friends, like Scot and Andrew, as well as Ryan of course. I talk to them because they are cool dudes, and they also remind me of Ryan because they are in college, and they help me with a lot of things (which sounds cheesy, I know). They send me music and they are people I can talk to. There was really no point to discussing this topic, but I figured it would be nice to get out there, in case anyone actually reads this blog. Oh well.

I often wonder what my life would have been like without an older brother, or if I was the older brother. Would I have treated a younger brother with the same respect Ryan had for me? Would I watch out for him and laugh with him? I don't know. I can be a bastard sometimes when I don't get my way, and I am not particularly proud of that. I wonder what Ryan thought about me when I was younger. I always asked him questions about games, and asked him to play "guys" with me, which meant to play with the action figures we had. And he would. But there came a point when he wouldn't. He stopped playing with me. And it saddened me so much to see that my brother would refuse to spend time with me. And now that I am about the age of when Ryan stopped playing with me, I think I know why. If I were an only child, would things have been the same? I don't think so at all. I would have never ever spoken to or met Scot or Andrew, and they impact me greatly even though they probably don’t think so. I would probably be another Halo II-loving-Linkin Park-listening-drone. Kind of like what I said to Scot a while ago: "If I didn’t have and get all the music/influence/conversations with you... I’d still be playing Halo with Linkin Park playing in the background." And we know that's the truth.

I think that's enough of whatever that was for one night.

I’m out. G’night.

Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year.

2005-10-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Heads of state who ride and wrangle,
Who look at your face from more than one angle,
Can cut you from their bloated budgets
Like sharpened knives through chicken McNuggets.

Now nimble fingers that dance on numbers
Will eat your children and steal your thunder,
While heavy torsos that heave and hurl
Who crunch like nuts in the mouths of squirrels.

Now simple feet that flicker like fire
And burn like candles in smoky spires
Do more to turn my joy to sadness
Than somber thoughts of burning planets.

I took the COOPs today. No, I would not like to tell you what I thought of them.

I'm glad they're over, and whether or not I did well is still up in the air. After the COOPs, I went home pretty upset because I thought I did a terrible job (and I still think that.) After that, I went to Anthony's house to jammitize. We played the song we were told to practice by Nick's guitar teacher, and then we advanced on a rift that Mike created himself. It turned out really nice, and it had a Nervana-ish sound to it. Really neat. Shortly after that, I had to go home and get ready for CC's Halloween birthday party that I was in no way prepared for. I needed to find a costume, and I didn't feel like wearing a mask, or anything too elaborate or extravagant. So, I went through my closet to see what I could rummage up. I chose to wear a red top hat and giant glove hand things. It worked - to say the least. Instead of being a witch, or a ghost, I was whatever was in my closet.

The title of today's entry comes from a Cake song entitled: Sad Songs and Waltzes. The introduction to my actual post is lyrics to a Cake song entitled: Nugget. I enjoy Cake. They are an excellent band, a band I would love to be apart of. They have repetitive, but catchy basslines, a very distinct vocalist, and their guitarist doesn't go insane with solos and verses all by himself. The band blends instruments like the trumpet and the synthesizer extremely well. When I started this paragraph, I had something witty to say... but now that I started critiquing the band, I really have nothing left. Hrm.

For my birthday (10/23) I received a really nice flatscreen/widescreen HDTV for my bedroom. It looks amazing, and the high-def. channels on IO are breathtaking - as if you were really there. Although, I must say that I don't think the leap has been made to crystal clear picture. There's always something you can point out that doesn't look quite right, like the color or a grainy feel to certain objects. Irrelevant.

My brother, Ryan, is a very intelligent human being. And, as his younger brother, I am always compared to him, which has its ups and downs. In my opinion (and I firmly believe this), Ryan is just a smarter person than me. I'd like to be just like him, but I would like to be a different person. I would have no problem going to LVHS instead of a Catholic school. To be honest, I could care less because a lot of successful people came out of high school and went to fabulous colleges and had a great life. I am not saying Catholic high schools aren't good. I would go to one if I had the option. What I am getting at is, because Ryan went to Chaminade, that's the path that is cut out for me. Which is fine, I like having a guideline to follow. But at what point do I say "No. I would like to do something my own way."? And this isn't supposed to be a rant about how the second child is mistreated or spoiled; I am just simply stating that I might not live up to Ryan's "record."

Take your economy car and your suitcase.
Take you psycho little dogs.

Well yeah. That's pretty much it. I will catch you dawgs on the flipside. And for all the two readers who visit this blog every so often - God loves you.

I'm out.

It's too late.

2005-10-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

I've got COOPs tomorrow. The COOPs are the Catholic High School Entrance Exams for kids who would like to attend Catholic high schools.

I've been review now for a few months at least. I feel somewhat comfortable, but there's always a part of me that wouldn't be surprised if I screwed up completely. After the COOPs, I am going to Anthony's house to play gee-tar, and just hang out. After that, I am going to CC's Halloween-styled birthday. Happy birthday CC.

I don't know who might be reading this, but to whoever is: pray to God that I will do well. It means a lot to me. Thanks.

I'm out.

You're free to whine, it will not get you far.

2005-10-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

When I am done with this, I want to taste the breeze of every great city.

Hi folks.

I spent the night at Nick's house with Mike a few days ago. Wow. Insane. We played Mario Kart: Double Dash!! for most of the night, (a good 8 hours at least) and played some good ol' SSBM and Halo II. But yeah, MK:DD!! ate up most of our night. Luckily, Nick's little brother, Jack, joined in so we could have four people. We all had a great time. Phrases like "Aw, my radio juice." and "OH MY GOD, IT'S A FAGGOT!" and "Thanks, big truck." and "That'll put food on the table." could be heard from the basement the whole time. I live for this.

I walked five miles today with Kyle, Mike, Henry and John at Jones Beach. It was a walk-a-thon for breast cancer. Hundreds, if not thousands of people were there, walking for breast cancer, donating money and just being there for the cause. It was a really a nice event, and I am glad I went. The walking was really a lot of fun, and of course we made it interesting.

Does anyone really know good music anymore? I was listening to the radio the other day, Z100 actually. I mean, the popular stuff now... is this what America loves? Excluding the fact that I don't usually enjoy popular stuff, the music was awful. Not that I am some super-genius-guy who discovers new bands left and right, but I'd like to say that I know good music when I hear it; that wasn't it. Plus, Scot, Andrew and Ryan influence my taste, and supply me with heaps of, music. Go them, my music libraries.

I want this week to be over. I'd like to catch up on all the games I need to beat. I'd also like to continue reading the book I started reading a few weeks ago. It is entitled Towing Jehovah. The story is about God's body falling into the ocean. Yeah, that's what I said.

La, la, la, la, la.

I restrung my bass guitar yesterday. It sounds much better now. The bass lines in almost every Cake song are so much fun to play. I think I memorized about seven of them. This leads me to the next topic: the band that Nick, Mike, Anthony and I are 'supposed' to make. Nick's guitar teacher apparently does group lessons, or just likes to spend time with young teenaged boys. I believe the plan is that we will go to Anthony's house, since he has his drum set, and then go to Nick's house so all of the guitars can play together and get a feel for the songs we are doing without the drums (Anthony.) I am excited about it; I want to see how it plays out. We've also thought about different names for the band. At first, I wanted to name it clumpofsoul, but that's my blog's name, and Nick shot it down in an instant. But, he was the kid who thought Katamari Damacy was for Gamecube. Sheesh. Mike suggested Cool Tapes, which is a reference to HomeStarRunner, which I am not too familiar with myself. I was talking to my brother before, and the words "neat machine" came up. I really liked it, so maybe we will be The Neat Machines. And, just looking at my shirt in the laundry room with the Cheats on it, I think I should suggest The Cheat Commandos tomorrow morning.

The guitarist of Liquid Tension Experiment, John Petrucci, just finished one of his many solos in Acid Rain. God. I love music. And there he goes again. Playing like a freakin' maniac. I'd love to be able to play like that. Maybe I will take up the guitar; I have been thinking about it. But I really enjoy the bass, and would love to just be crazy awesome at two instruments than being just good at three, seeing as how I play the tuba as well. Oh well, I'll think it through.

I think I am going to go study, or procrastinate more and keep playing my bass. Who knows? I'm gonzo.

"It's a nice night for a fist fight," proclaim the elders.

2005-10-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of editing my thoughts and feelings. That's right. I am.

I got out of the car this afternoon, and walked up my driveway when I saw a spider that had created a web from the leaf of a plant, to the side of my house. It was beautiful. To say the least, it was a work of art. We strive for greatness, when it's right in front of us. I need to set my priorities in order. I'm angry for one reason, and one reason only. I'm sad for one reason, and one reason only. I'm confused for one reason and one reason only. Sadly, I don't know the reason. I will go to bed in a bad mood, and wake up in a good mood. The same pattern persists. "I Hope Tomorrow is Like Today,” says Guster. I disagree. I certainly hope tomorrow is not like today. Ever notice how everyone is so self-consumed about how they look or feel? No, of course you haven't because you're worrying about how you look and feel, yourself. Well just like that spider that I could look at, but not feel, I was dumb-founded at the supremacy of the spider's craftsmanship. But wait, isn't that another shallow judgment about how something looks. Isn't that another pre-determined statement that I made, before I got to "know" the spider? I know spiders. I don't like spiders. But I can't say that to the spider, so I lie to the spider and make it believe it's as stunning as the web it made. And the spider thinks it is as wonderful as its art. Some things were meant to be models of its creator, some things weren't. If I am confusing you, don't read on. I'm confused about the spider. It made me see life differently. (What a joke this kid must be. He is nearly 14 and he thinks he can have emotion and feeling. The elders laugh.) Anyone can make a work of art. The work of art is inside that person. (The spiders laugh.) That's right. I'm mad, puzzled and depressed. Notice how I used different words to describe my feelings. Could the spider have used different 'words' to 'describe' its web? Could the spider have used a different process in creating its web? Sure. Why not? The spider can do anything it wants. But only other people let the spider do anything the spider wants. When you think you have your freedom, you are mistaken. Your "freedom" is someone else’s. What you say and do changes the other person's perspective. Like the spider altered my view at life. (The elders laugh.) So, my freedom, which was really the spiders, was in the spider's hands. So that made us one. It made us together. We had to work together for that one moment to have our freedom. I was confused, puzzled, mad, angry, sad, depressed so I used my freedom to kill the spider. But the spider remains at the side of my house. The spider was so self-consumed about how good it looked, bathing in the sun, that it used my freedom to kill me. I don't think, I just do.

You can laugh all you want about the above paragraph. You can enjoy the paragraph all you want. Personally, I don’t care. I don’t care if it is wrong. I don’t care if my freedom isn’t in someone else’s hands. Disagree all you want. I have had my share of embarrassments. This is not one of them. I don’t regret anything.

I will go to bed tonight, and wake up a brand new person. I will talk to everyone the same way I always do. “Paving the same roads, unwilling to walk them.” Just know, that this doesn’t leave this room. Okay, it doesn’t leave the house. Okay, I’m fed up. Do what you want with me. Apparently I’m only half of a person. Who am I to decide what other people think. Wait, doesn’t that contradict my thought from before. So it does.

Depletion is another word for exhausted. Stupid is another word for dumb. Is spider another word for murderer? Is it another word for people? I can go on and on and on and on and on and on. I can ramble all I want. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel great. This is my own little corner in the galaxy that I can do any damn thing that I want. And what’s the first thing on my mind? I wonder what other people will think when they read this. I guess I am self-consumed, just like the spider. For this post, I don’t care. These random sentences are different parts of my mind that don’t want to stay put. Or are they? (“Oh, what a loser,” the elders think. “He called us elders,” the elders say.) I am talking to a great friend of mine. This friend of mine is Patrick. I can talk to myself all I want. I can talk to Patrick all I want. I can use incorrect grammar all me wants. I can spell things incorectly all I want. And the liar steps out of her den. Chuckling and laughing at what she has done to the openhearted warrior. Thrashing around like a storm, the cat gets up. Sometimes dizziness is great. Only if depletion is another word for exhausted. Only if stupid is another word for dumb. Only if ‘elders’ stands for people I do and don’t want reading this blog. People that I talk to everyday. The people I bother everyday. You know who you are and I’m sorry. Yes, this means you. You might not even waste your time with this sorry excuse for a blog. A sorry excuse for my thoughts. Well, maybe this is a side of me you haven’t seen yet. Maybe you just haven’t looked carefully enough. Maybe this is all for show, like the openheartedness of the warrior. The warrior? Who is this warrior? The warrior is who you want it to be. Maybe I am just writing this, pretending to be deep. Pretending to have a hard life. Well I don’t. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the warrior. The warrior? Who is the warrior? Well I don’t know. I don’t. I don’t want to know. So don’t tell me.

Forget what I said, I am going to bed…

…and never waking up.

Let there be comments.

2005-10-05T15:33:00.000-07:00

Anyone can now make comments.

I'm sorry I don't have a commercial for you like the Taco Bell ad, where everyone is full.

Goodbye.

Day one and counting.

2005-10-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Ugh.

Hi folks, I'm going to make this one quick. I just wanted to make another entry because it's been a while since I last posted one.

Some neat! stuff has happened in the last week or so. I got Ninja Gaiden Black for the Xbox. Really fun game, not as hard as everyone says it is. "Maybe you're just awesome?" says my brother. I knew I loved him for one reason or another.

Park has been playing a lot these days. That band is incredible. It Won't Snow Where You're Going might be one of the best albums ever. So good.

Last night I went to Mike's house. We chilled there, Katie (Mike's sister) and I exchanged Nintendogs goodies, we went out to Mario's for pizza where I spilt just about everything in the restaurant on my lap whether it be Coke, Caesar Salad dressing or water and then we went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. We couldn't really find a good one, so we watched what Katie wanted. Fever Pitch. It was decent. Light-hearted and entertaining.

Later this week we're going to visit my brother up at college. Pretty neat. I'm looking forward to it. My grandfather is coming with us too, which is a first. We'll see how it plays out. Hopefully well.

Alrighty, I've got some work to take care of. I'm out.

It was like giving birth to a piece of cabbage.

2005-09-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

That's right. My life is all about the birth of a cabbage.

John is going to spend the night over here tonight. His mom is out to see her mother, and his father is with his sister so visit a college. I guess we were next on the list.

He's going to come over around nine. We'll probably hang around for a while. Then we have get to bed at a reasonable hour because we do have school tomorrow. Ugh. But the bright side is that it is a half-day. I think that a no-day would have been better.

Ben Folds is an excellent musician. I highly recommend the album Songs For Silverman. Good. So good.

I need to finish my science project. I'm out.

Ms. Robotictron has something 'splainin to do.

2005-09-20T22:34:00.001-07:00

Wow, it has been a while since I've last posted. I wasn't busy. I'm just lazy.

Not has much has happened in the last week or so. My brother went back up to college. I miss him. I started my review class, which wasn't too bad. And oh yeah, apparently I got a referral (detention slip or something) for "laughing [at a lunch monitor's] face", "refusing to throw out trash" and "having an attitude." What's that you say? It's all turtle feces? Yes. Yes it is.

Lets start from the beginning. My brother went back up to school a week ago. I had to stay home because of the review class I have on Saturdays. So, I spent Friday night at my grandparents' house, which was really pleasant. Like usual, they bombarded me with flavorsome snacks and scrumptious goodies. Love them. The next day (Saturday) I spent the night at Mike's house where we learned that "the army is bad, [isn't good]." Hahahaha. Most of the night was spent on the computer using FruityLoops (thanks to Andrew), playing Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time and jamming on the guitar. Sadly, Mike's guitar string broke during the night, so we had to take turns using his sister's flower'tar, which wasn't half bad.

Sunday morning, my parents came home. They said they missed me, and I am sure they did. Hugs and kisses were exchanged, and I was back home; on my computer of course.
*****************************************************************************************************************

Ok, this is where the meat of this post will take place:
Let me tell you exactly what goes on during each lunch period so you can understand the scenario.

1. Go to lunchroom.
2. Buy lunch or commence eating lunch if you brought it
3. Eat
4. The lunch monitor Ms. Cullen (Pattie) elects one person from our table to throw out all of the trash everybody has at the table.
5. That 'representative' throws out the trash, and returns to the table.
6. All is well.

However, on Friday, we did not have our smooth schedule. It was different. It was as followed:

1. Go to lunchroom.
2. Buy lunch or commence eating lunch if you brought it.
3. Eat
4. The lunch monitor Ms. Cullen (Pattie) elects one person from our table to throw out all of the trash everybody has at the table.
5. (Here's where it gets tricky.) The elected person is a dumbass for some reason and puts all the trash on another table instead of in the garbage.
6. A different monitor (Ms. P) comes to our table and says we have to throw the trash out that we put on someone else’s table.
7. At the end of the period we get 'written up.'
8. All isn't well.

It's kind of interesting because Ms. P wrote us all up for referrals at the end of the period, while everyone was leaving the lunchroom. I didn't even find out we had gotten in trouble until Monday of the next week. On Monday, Nick told me we were all written up. I spoke to Ms. P.

Me: Hey Ms. P. Nick tells me that everyone at the table got referrals. This true?
Ms. P: Yes it is true.
Me: What for?
Ms. P: For not throwing out your trash and having an attitude with me every day.
Me: Of course we threw out our trash. We did it right after you told us to.
Ms. P: [no comment.]
Me: And... and how did we disrespect you? There has only been about two a half weeks of school.
Ms. P: You guys never listen to me, and you laugh right at my face.
I walk away.

Yeah, the little conversation I had with Ms. P went a little something like that.
But, if Ms. P were a raging - robotictron - idiot, who she is, it would have gone a little something like this.

Me: Hey did we all ge....
Ms. P: YOUR HEAD 'ASPLODE!
Me: Oh wow. Um, yeah. So what did we do exactly? It doesn't make much sense to give us all re....
Ms. P: YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO DESTRUCTION MAKE YOUR TIME.
Me: Yeah... Crazy. But that doesn't answer my question about why we all...
Ms. P: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

The problem with these underpaid monitors is that they are stuck in a dead-end job, surrounded by teachers who went to college and are much more successful than they are (in most cases.) Like my brother told me, they need to assert their power somehow. Seeing as how they have nowhere to go in life, they need to leap to the opportunity to pretend they possess importance and piss other people off with unjust punishments.

We'll get it worked out. Everyone at our table knows we didn't do anything. I just really hope Ms. Robotictron doesn't shoot missiles at me from behind and 'asplode my head. That would be unfortunate.
*****************************************************************************************************************

I am really tired right now. I just downloaded a Nintendo64 emulator. I'm still signed on AIM from a transfer earlier today. I have too many things open on my computer right now. My desk is messy. My finished yogurt container is leaning on my power strip. An old action-figure I used to love is on my computer monitor. My Magic cards are on my desk. There are many CD jewel cases on my desk. My speakers are not right next to each other. My Nintendogs cartridge hasn't left my DS since I got it. 'Bury Me With It' by Modest Mouse just ended, and 'Dance Hall' by Modest Mouse just began. My room is a mess. I still haven't set my alarm clock yet. My bass guitar is leaning against my dresser. It is 10:01 PM right now. Now it is still 10:01 PM. I want a new computer. I just bought the first season of the Cosby Show the other day. I also bought the 10th Anniversary Edition of Toy Story the other day. It is 10:02 PM right now. Andrew just asked if I could send him the album - Full Collapse by Thursday. I agreed to do it. I guess staying on AIM wasn't a bad idea after all. That worked out well. I like to help out friends. I like nice people. Most nice people don't like me. I am usually not a nice person. I am really tired right now.

Good night ladies and gentlemen.
I'm out.

Nintendogs owns, and the smelly kid got owned.

2005-09-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I walked past a group of sixth grade girls attempting to sing "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy. Most of the "singing" was really just mumbling and waiting for the identical refrain to repeat over and over again. I gave a double take, laughed and was on my way.

I have really grown a liking for Nintendogs on the Nintendo DS. It's basically a puppy simulator. You take care of puppies by grooming them, feeding them and bathing them. And every so often you can enter them in a competition to win some cash, or take them for walks to discover mad bling. It might sound too kiddy, or very boring, but the game is fun and addictive. If you play Nintendogs for a while, you will probably worry about your dogs and say to yourself "Did I forget to feed Lucky?" or "I need Max to learn this new trick, it's so cool!" in the middle of the day. Just man up and buy the puppy game.

/commencerant
The other day Danny tripped Bradly in the hallway when everyone was leaving gym. For people who don't know: Bradly is the kid no one wants to be. He is physically and verbally abused just about everyday. And oh yeah, he smells terrible. Danny is the "That's so gay!" kid that always has something to say about everything. He wears those shirts with the three pictures of "what not to do on a date" and "what happens when you smoke pot.” Anyway, Danny tripped Bradly. Bradly flipped out. He started to cry and went nuts. Bradly then got up and retaliated by lightly hitting Danny in the nose. Danny then started to push Bradly around. Bradly got his ass kicked.

I felt bad for Bradly. I usually feel bad for Bradly. If he didn't act so obnoxious to everyone, and didn't threaten to "tell" when someone looks at him the wrong way, people might treat him like a person rather than a walking target. The thing that bothers me the most is that a janitor (who saw the whole thing) was just standing there, watching Bradly cry. Are janitors no more than Hispanic robots in disguise, or do they have the decency to stop a fight?
/endrant

Tomorrow I have my first review class for the Catholic High School Entrance Exams. It's just one of those things. For seven weeks I have to get up every Saturday morning and head out and waste most of my day. Luckily, later in the afternoon tomorrow, I have tentitive plans with Mike to hang out, let our Nintendogs play together and play Super Smash Brothers with our hilarious story lines to go with each battle.

Alright, time for me to continue Metroid Prime for the Gamecube. That game is probably one of the most addictive games, more so than Nintendogs. Now maybe it's just the initial "wow" factor that you first get when you start a game, but man, this game is top-notch.

I'm out.

CLUMPOFSOUL and Magic: The Gathering.

2005-09-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today was interesting. I received my grade on a fake ELA test we took in English, which wasn't too great. It's a good thing it doesn't count for anything. Tomorrow is a math quiz, meh. I really don't enjoy math, but I have no choice. I think I will be fine tomorrow.

Later on, my brother and his friend picked me up from school, which was pretty neat and unexpected. Then, when we got home I learned that my brother is going back into Magic: The Gathering. That's cool. Magic cards are awesome. They work. Unlike the Yu-Gi-Oh card game where seven-year-olds fight over who has the "Blue-Eyes-White-Dragon", the community who plays Magic is more mature and I can only assume older. They know what they're doing. I remember when I would play Magic with some of my friends. Good times. Thinking of Magic reminds of the Pokemon days, when the Chinese cards were all the rage, and the owner of the Charizard in your group of friends reigned supreme. Awesome.

The title, or name of my blog is entitled CLUMPOFSOUL. I'll tell you why. Ever hear of a very Japanese game called Katamari Damacy? Well, apparently in English that translates to clump spirit, or more commonly phrased as clump of soul. I happen to like that name. Not only is the translated title first-rate, but also the game is mighty good. I don't think you can go wrong with a game when the premise revolves around picking everything up, so that's probably why this is one great game.

Oy, I really want this week to be over for some reason. Things seem so sluggish, ugh. I think it's pretty rad that John and Henry are in most my classes because just like Katamari Damacy, they are first-rate. Since most of my teachers sat us in alphabetical order, I am usually right next to John, which just makes things even better. Sadly, Henry is all the way in the other corner of the room. He manages.

I'm out.

School, again.

2005-09-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

I started this blog so I could sign up to post on a site, nothing special. But, if I happen to enjoy posting on this blog I might do it regularly. God knows if anyone would read this, but having a blog is cool, right?

Another year of school has already started. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm with some of my good friends in most of my classes, but there are people from last year that I will probably never see this year. I'll miss their company. I'm interested to see how eighth will pan out. This will be my last year at my district because apparently I have to go to a Catholic Highschool, wee. I don't mind switching schools too much, because lets face it: I hate most of the people in my grade. There's only maybe a handful, or more, of people I would want to keep in contact with. That's all.

Nick slept over last night, which was neat. Henry and Matt weren't able to spend the night, so they left at around ten. Nevertheless, we all had a great time. Most of the time was spent playing SSBM and Custom Robo, and then over dinner, we argued over what "next tuesday" really means. I think this little dispute has been going on between Henry and I for a good 4 months or so now. Ah, times like these where I love Henry and his sense of pride.

Okay, I'm out for now. To anyone who read all of that, you win. And good night.

Testing.

2005-09-05T13:56:00.001-07:00

Testing to see if this works.